Rosie

I am one of the Independent Stalking Advocacy Caseworkers at Aurora New Dawn. In my spare time I enjoy watching documentaries and listening to music and podcasts. I love quizzes and general knowledge, my best categories being history and geography!

I started at Aurora New Dawn as a placement student in 2020, and felt I was able to make a real difference to people’s lives. I later began working at Aurora as a full member of staff in 2021 and was pleased to be able to focus more of time to supporting clients experiencing stalking and help them to start to regain control of their lives. Stalking is a difficult and frustrating crime, being able to listen and advocate for clients is a key part of the process and is hugely beneficial. I hope to continue working within this sector and growing as an advocate.

Gemma

I really enjoy keeping active by lifting weights and running and I like to relax by reading and watching stand-up comedy. I’ve worked at Aurora since June 2021 and enjoy working in a lovely team with like-minded women.

For most of my career, I have worked in the private sector, but after the COVID 19 pandemic hit I wanted to, as clichéd as it sounds, make a difference and help to support those who have been experiencing stalking. Stalking is a unique crime, sometimes you can’t physically see the crime that has been committed – like you would in a burglary. It’s important to me that my clients know that not only do I believe them and that I will be there to support them every step of the way but that stalking is a crime and is not acceptable – whatever the circumstances.

Lynne (Armed Forces)

As the armed forces advocate for domestic abuse sexual violence and stalking I am unbelievably passionate about what I do.

No one thinks past DA to what might come next. It’s always looked at as a continuation of the abuse and to use the word stalking can sometimes be seen as us being “dramatic women”, especially within the forces. Even more so if it’s not an ex-partner.

We hear phrases like “well she is a pretty thing, she should love the attention” or “you’re behind the wire, whoever it is can’t get you so it’s not that bad”.

You can never underestimate or even fully understand the horrifying impact stalking has on victims.

I learn something new about the lengths a stalker will go to in every case. Whether we know who the stalker is or not.

I am the voice of the victim when the situation is terrifying yet no one will listen.

I am the safety net always ready to believe them I will help educate the armed forces to understand that stalking is very real and won’t just go away.

I will never stop fighting for my clients.

Why do I do this work?

Because serving soldiers are human and suffer the impact of stalking like every other victim. They deserve to be believed, supported and most importantly safe.

#BridgingTheGAP #NSAW2022 #TeamAurora

We are funded by the Police and Crime Commissioner for Hampshire and the IOW and for our Armed forces work we receive funding from the Army Central Fund.

If you would like to support the Aurora New Dawn charity and you are able to donate you can do so here:

If you would like to support our female only group work and you are able to donate you can do so here:

Aurora’s helpline – 6pm to 9am Monday to Friday and 24hrs over the weekend 02394 216 816

In my role as an Outreach worker, I see many of the pattern’s perpetrators use to exert power and control, for example, isolation techniques, gaslighting behaviours, and full denial of responsibility to name a few. Most recently, I have witnessed more victims being faced with another abusive tactic that fits under the ‘post-separation abuse’ umbrella. This is a newish term for the UK labelled ‘parental alienation’.

For those who may not have come across this before, parental alienation is not a concept easily evidenced through empirical studies and research, but it is increasingly a tool used by perpetrators of domestic abuse against their victims and their children to exert control over them in family courts. If you want to read more on its history and use in the family courts, we recommend Dr Adrienne Barnett.

In my experience, I have seen perpetrators are using it as another way of controlling the victim and convincing a judge to allow contact with them (the abusive parent) by labelling the survivor as obstructive. In fact, the non-abusive parent (usually the Mum) is just trying to protect the child/children from harm given the abuse they have been subjected to by the perpetrator.

Naturally, not wanting her children to be exposed to any further harm a Mum would of course stand in the way of abusive behaviour and protect her child, in fact it is exactly what is required of her by social care and the police, but ironically it is playing out differently and being used against many women in the family court system. It is increasingly frustrating to watch victims and survivors voice concerns about the safety of contact with an abusive parent, particularly when I share those concerns myself, to then witness some in the family courts having a problem understanding this.

Perpetrators of abuse will often use their children as a way of controlling their victim. Usually, this is through child contact. It can manifest in tactics like, never sticking to pick up or drop off times, dictating when contact will be, so the non-abusive parent has no freedom or choice, using handover times as their allotted time to continue abusing the surviving parent. I know many victims and survivors of abuse will be reading these examples and recognise these behaviours. This is only a few of the ways in which perpetrators will use their children as an excuse to continue being abusive.

The main reason for a perpetrator to use these behaviours is to continue exerting power and control, they are often continuously angry for having lost their control over their family when the abusive relationship ended. Parental alienation claims are just another tool in the abusive parents’ box, it is a skillful way of ensuring their ex-partner is labelled as in some way abusive, it discredits the domestic abuse claims they have made, and it places the perpetrator neatly in the victim box for the courts.

My advice to victims experiencing this form of post-separation abuse is to discuss this with your solicitor in the first instance if you have one. They should have the relevant knowledge on this subject, given that it doesn’t hold up in law. Liaise with your domestic abuse support worker – if you don’t have one you can contact your local service for advice; we are happy to assist in this or you can go to the Women’s Aid Website to find out who your local provider is.

I have helped survivors who have experienced claims of parental alienation by communicating with their solicitor and offering my knowledge on this topic, and I will continue to do this. I know all of us at Aurora will do all we can to ensure victims and survivors are supported through this as we know how stressful and emotionally challenging this situation can be.

My bigger problem as an advocate is what can the judiciary system do in response to Parental Alienation? Firstly, recognising it as a form of post separation abuse would go a long way in support of survivors of abuse. Survivors already feel that the courts don’t support them enough and don’t understand the dynamics of domestic abuse as well as they could, and parental alienation is another example of that. By enabling this discourse, particularly when there is a proven history of abuse from the perpetrator, this means the courts are colluding with and supporting a perpetrator to continue abusing their victim, and the children.

It is great that organisations like Aurora are becoming more aware of the tactics of Parental Alienation. In addition, many more legal professionals have an understanding of this abusive technique and are able to support their clients through the court process. The more services work together against abusers using parental alienation in court, the more awareness will be raised. This will ultimately support victims and survivors and limit the effects of post-separation abuse upon them.

Brianne – Outreach worker

If you would like to support the Aurora New Dawn charity and you are able to donate you can do so here:

If you would like to support our female only group work and you are able to donate you can do so here:

Aurora’s helpline – 6pm to 9am Monday to Friday and 24hrs over the weekend 02394 216 816

Do you think it is important for all victims of stalking to be offered an Independent stalking advocate and if so why?

Absolutely I think the police are great at dealing with the evidential side of things. But what the stalking advocate does is help you deal with the emotional side of things.

I hate to use the word victim but the stalking advocate helps the victim where no one else does, or can or has the time. It’s that bridge which is so so important, it’s a person who knows the system and can lead on it. Unlike for example a crime like robbery, most people know someone who has been robbed but not many people know someone who has been stalked. So when that happened to me, I had no point of reference, I knew no one who had been stalked or had any experience or understanding. So having someone like an independent specialist stalking advocate tell you – this is what is happening and why it is happening – is absolutely vital.

Did you think what you were experiencing was stalking? Did it surprise you when someone described it in that way to you? What was the impact?

No, I also didn’t think what I was experiencing was abusive behaviour in our relationship until I started to write it all down and document it all. So those are the major things that the stalking advocate helped me to identify, she helped me and she showed me that what was happening in the relationship wasn’t normal or acceptable. I certainly knew the perpetrator putting a tracker on my car wasn’t normal, but I didn’t know it came under the realms of stalking.

The worst thing you can be called in this scenario is a stalking victim, especially as a woman, there’s a huge pride in being a strong independent woman, and having that taken away from me by him and by the word ‘victim’ is horrendous. I think the most wonderful thing about Aurora New Dawn and other stalking organisations is they take away your feelings of victimisation. They empower you with knowledge, support expertise and experience, which makes you feel you’re not alone and also makes you feel that you know what is going on and you’re back in control. So, in a scenario where you felt like you had lost control, and I don’t want to go into the whole emotional side of things that I felt during that, the stalking advocate has helped me hugely to put that behaviour in a place of understanding what is unacceptable and unhealthy.

#BridgingTheGAP #NSAW2022 #TeamAurora

Aurora is funded by the Hampshire and IOW Police and Crime Commissioner and work in partnership with Hampshire Constabulary.

If you would like to support the Aurora New Dawn charity and you are able to donate you can do so here:

If you would like to support our female only group work and you are able to donate you can do so here:

Aurora’s helpline – 6pm to 9am Monday to Friday and 24hrs over the weekend 02394 216 816

This year’s theme for national stalking awareness week is Bridging the Gap – it focuses on the need to have independent advocates for victims. Do you think it is important for all victims of stalking to be offered an Independent stalking advocate and if so why?

Absolutely! Having the support of an independent advocate made me feel I had some solely in my corner. Their focus was on me and how they can get me through such a hard time. Their expert knowledge and advice meant they were incredibly supportive. This provided me with coping mechanisms; which made me feel safer.

By having that person to go to talk helped me come to terms with what I was suffering and gave me the courage to get the justice and help I needed.

Did you think what you were experiencing was stalking? Did it surprise you when someone described it in that way to you? What was the impact?

At first I don’t think I did. It was a hard concept to accept. I knew what I was experiencing was wrong and that it was upsetting but I didn’t believe it was serious enough to be stalking. When it escalated and I sought the help of the police it was at that point that stalking was first mentioned. I was then introduced to my stalking advocate. She greatly helped me to comes to terms with it being stalking and that it is not acceptable. I was surprised and felt shell shocked. I was afraid and more vulnerable once others told me the seriousness but my advocate was there to support and guide me through the process of getting the justice and support I needed.

Do you have any advice you would like to give other victims.

Never be afraid to speak up. Never be afraid to seek help and support. My advocate helped me gain the courage I needed to get through it. Speaking with your advocate will be the first little step to feeling a little safer by giving you someone to talk to gain advice and understand exactly what you are going through. You are not alone in this and you will be okay and strong once again.

#BridgingTheGAP #NSAW2022 #TeamAurora

Aurora is funded by the Hampshire and IOW Police and Crime Commissioner and work in partnership with Hampshire Constabulary.

If you would like to support the Aurora New Dawn charity and you are able to donate you can do so here:

If you would like to support our female only group work and you are able to donate you can do so here:

Aurora’s helpline – 6pm to 9am Monday to Friday and 24hrs over the weekend 02394 216 816