Running for Aurora

Aurora and Adam

It was lap dancing that brought Shonagh, the CEO of Aurora New Dawn, and me together. At least, that’s how we would joke about it in the years that followed. In 2019, a lap dancing club was reopening near where I lived and I was unhappy about what this would mean for the local community. Long story short, I discovered that Aurora had attempted to block the opening, so I reached out to them to see if anything could be done to help them.

The more I learned about what Aurora stood for; safety, support, advocacy, and empowerment to victims and survivors of domestic abuse, sexual violence, and stalking, the more I wanted to dedicate time to helping them in what way I could.

At first glance, it might seem that there’s no place for a man with Aurora; Aurora rightfully has an all-female staff in order to provide safety and support for its clients. Being a man, it was clear to me that any involvement I had with Aurora would have to be appropriate to this fact. And so it was that I found myself ‘the website dude,’ dealing with the technical maintenance of the Aurora website. A role I was grateful for as it balanced helping the cause with appropriacy.

My running journey

Time passed and in my free time, I began running for my own health and fitness. I began entering competitions and events to set myself goals. When signing up for my first event, I realised this was a great opportunity to show my support for Aurora’s cause. Consequently, I badgered Shonagh for an Aurora t-shirt to wear and away I went. Every event I entered I would wear my shirt to show my support. Then post the photos of me at the events online and share them with friends and family. Later, in the run up to 2022’s 5km Great South Run, I regularly posted online and set up a fund raiser page for Aurora.

This 2023, I had made such progress with my running that I entered the 10-mile Great South Run. What a privilege it was to run in the Great South Run with seventeen thousand others, all there for different reasons, so many doing it for charity, and to be showing my support for Aurora.

Running for change

Aurora seeks to raise awareness of the violence against women epidemic. As is often the case, women are the ones speaking out about the violence against them while men all too often look on. I firmly believe that it is crucial for men to actively engage in this, adding their voices in condemnation of violence against women.

As all men, I have women in my life, all of which I want to protect. I want a future in which women don’t have to live in fear of experiencing violence. By supporting Aurora and participating in events to raise awareness, I hope my small contribution is a reminder of the need for a world where women are respected, protected, and empowered to lead the lives they choose.

Adam_Gallie_running

If you would like to support the Aurora New Dawn charity and you are able to donate you can do so here:

If you would like to support our female only group work and you are able to donate you can do so here:

Aurora’s helpline – 6pm to 9am Monday to Friday and 24hrs over the weekend 02394 216 816

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What are the 7 worst Disney Princess Relationships?

Over the years, Disney princess relationships to men have frequently been depicted to us and our children. While some of these can be healthy, many a Disney princess has found herself in a toxic, abusive relationship. Here, we will explore the 7 worst relationships Disney princesses have found themselves in.

The 7 Worst Disney Princess Relationships

  • Jasmine and Aladdin,
  • Jasmine begins the story dreaming of no longer being a princess, escaping both the palace and her obligation to marry. Aladdin begins the story dreaming of living in the palace with the wealth and status of being Sultan. The story ends with Jasmine, in the palace, choosing to marry Aladdin, who consequently will be elevated to the heir of the Sultanate. Who wins?

    Aladdin is a Disney cartoon filled with problematic men. The Sultan wants to marry off Jasmine to appease the law (which he later points out is actually dictated by him) and Jafar wants to marry Jasmine for the status it would give him. Aladdin is quite happy to weigh in on this by masquerading as a prince in order to win her hand. Jasmine best summarises the relationship between her and the men of the movie when she says:

    ‘All of you, standing around deciding my future? I am not a prize to be won!’

    Not enough attention is paid to the fact that Aladdin stalks Jasmine. He lets himself into her bedroom at night because he has decided he wants to see her. Although Jasmine tells him to go away, this behaviour is not seen as a red flag. Furthermore, Aladdin decides to break the promise he made to free a friend (the Genie) who is enslaved, he does this in order to maintain a lie about his identity. Let me just repeat that so it can sink in:

    • Aladdin is keeping a friend imprisoned.
    • The friend doesn’t want to enable Aladdin to lie to Jasmine, but Aladdin is forcing him to do it anyway.
    • Aladdin is basically catfishing Jasmine.

    Disney princess relationship message: Stalking is romantic and you shouldn’t worry too much if your partner has lied about his identity throughout the early stages of your relationship.

  • Cinderella and the Prince,
  • what-is-worse-than-disney-princess-relationships

    Unlike other relationships on this list, there is no serious issue between Cinderella and the prince, beside the Disney trope that having set eyes on each other just once they are ready to make an informed decision about a commitment to marriage, wait, maybe that is problematic.

    The biggest fault with Disney’s Cinderella seems to be that the story teaches young children, especially girls, that ‘if you tolerate an abusive home environment with an air of selflessness, then the world will reward you.’ Cinderella does not take action to improve her situation, even though she is clearly unhappy living with her abusive stepmother and sisters.

    As a result? Her fairy godmother appears and saves her. Later she is locked away by her step family, as a result? The prince appears to save her.

    Disney princess relationship message: Do nothing and you will receive everything. Not only does this message discourage independence and self-autonomy, but also encourages tolerance of abuse.

  • Snow White and Merlin,
  • Where to begin with Red Shoes and the Seven Dwarfs (A parody remake of Snow White)? The film is aimed at children and seems to want to teach them that you can be beautiful without conforming to social norms of beauty. Honourable concept. The problem is that it is not until 80 minutes in, about 5 minutes before the movie’s end that this is expressed.

    The central male protagonist, Merlin, is entirely selfish only interested in using Snow White because she is beautiful (by socially conforming standards) and he wants her to kiss him to break a curse:

    ‘You’re a gift, a gift that will transform me into someone amazing’.

    You see its all about him, she is there to serve his agenda… until the last 5 minutes of the movie.

    Merlin’s friends fight over her for the same reason, competing to see who can get a kiss from her first. Merlin constantly points out body form, labelling people ‘short and chubby’, ‘on the big side’ etc. Merlin’s companion says, ‘Of course, she’s a princess, how could she be so beautiful if she weren’t?’ / ‘I knew a girl this pretty couldn’t possibly be a criminal!’ You see, only beautiful girls can be princesses and they couldn’t be criminals. I roll my eyes and facepalm in exasperation.

    I imagine that one should argue that the humour in ‘Red shoes and the seven dwarfs’ is satirical. But how many children are going to recognise this? My 6-year-old barely understands the jokes from penguin bars. She’s basically going to be exposed to 80 minutes of protagonists ridiculing anyone whoever is not standardly beautiful and praising all those who are.

    Disney princess relationship message: Beauty is to be valued above all (Except in the last 5 minutes of the movie).

  • Snow White and the Prince,
  • So little do we know about the prince that he actually has no name beyond ‘the prince’, probably because he appears very briefly at the start to serenade Snow White and at the end to non-consensually kiss her while she sleeps. Speaking of kissing, the narrator explicitly states that:

    ‘The prince, who had searched far and wide, heard of the maiden who slept in the glass coffin.’

    That’s it? There is never any suggestion that he believes it will ‘break the magic spell and resurrect her’ if he does it. The prince heard of a sleeping maiden in a glass coffin and decided to go find her and kiss her? That is definition sexual predator behaviour; targeting a victim who appears vulnerable .

    Remember how I mentioned earlier that the prince serenaded Snow White and then later, while she slept, he sought her out to sexually assault her and then take her away to marry him? Well, this behaviour could classify the prince as a power-reassurance rapist; a rapist who believes the victim has a sexual interest in him and that through the use of force the victim will grow to like him (Craissati, 2005) .

    Disney princess relationship message: You are lucky to be married by a stranger who sexually assaults you while you sleep.

  • Mulan and Li Shang,
  • the-worst-disney-princess-relationship

    There’s a lot to love about the character Mulan in the original Disney 1998 cartoon. She riles against the sex based oppression of the time. When tested, she rises to the occasion earning the respect of most of her male companions… and this is the problem with Li Shang, her love interest.

    When the men discover Mulan is a woman, they all react differently. The ‘gang of three’ (Yao, Ling, and Chien Po) have come to respect Mulan and recognise her as an equal, they try to protect her when Li Shang threatens her and later pay tribute to her by masquerading as women in the story climax. Li Shang on the other hand, draws a sword, threatening to kill her. He makes it clear that the only reason he won’t kill her is because she saved his life:

    ‘A life for a life. My debt is repaid.’

    Wow, how magnanimous of Li Shang… equating Mulan saving his life to him not killing her for being a woman.

    When Mulan later tries to warn Li Shang that the Huns will attack, Li Shang tells her to go away and says he won’t trust her. The implication is he does not trust her because she is a woman. It is only after Mulan’s actions have been sanctioned by the Emperor, the custodian of the sex oppressive institution, that Li Shang changes his tune.

    Disney princess relationship message: Forgive men who are a product of the institution and seriously consider murdering you for being a female!

  • Ariel and Prince Eric,
  • A-Princess

    At the age of 16, mermaid Ariel changes the way she looks and literally gives up her voice to marry prince Eric 3 days after meeting him without ever had a meaningful dialogue with him. Ariel and Eric are drawn to each other by pure physical attraction, (even though Eric doesn’t recognise Ariel the second time he sees her) and Ariel wants to be with him on the land.

    Ariel strikes a deal with Ursula; Ursula will give her the ability to go on land in exchange for her voice. Ursula tells her:

    ‘You’ll have your looks! Your pretty face! And don’t underestimate the importance of body language! Ha! …It’s she who holds her tongue who gets her man’

    Sadly, Eric confirms Ursula’s perception. When he comes across Ariel, naked but for a torn sail, washed up on the beach, his interest in her being the girl of his dreams outweighs his concern for her predicament and he takes her home with him. Eventually Ariel regains her voice, they kiss and marry. As audience members, we see them marry without ever having a meaningful communication to each other and without learning who each other is (Eric didn’t even know she was a mermaid until just before we see them marry).

    Disney princess relationship message: Dramatically change your physical appearance and remain silent to be with a man.

  • Belle and the Beast,
  • Really nothing can top the awfulness of Belle’s relationship with the beast. The beast is verbally abusive, physically intimidating, voyeuristic, and literally keeps her locked up. The Beast’s behaviour mirrors a classic domestic abuse cycle:

    • Tension phase: ‘Worrying or in fear of what if’ – When Belle won’t have dinner with him he responds: ‘…then go ahead and STARVE!!!! (to Lumiere and Cogsworth) If she doesn’t eat with me, then she doesn’t eat at all!’.
    • Crisis phase: ‘The blow up / worse than before / fear for your safety’ – When the beast comes across Belle in the forbidden west wing, he shouts at her and smashes furniture to the point that Belle fearfully begs him to stop before attempting to run away.
    • Calm phase: ‘I love you’ – After the Beast rescues Belle from wolves, they return to the castle, the Beast blames the situation on Belle (classic perpetrator behaviour: ‘…if you hadn’t run away, this wouldn’t have happened!… you shouldn’t have been in the West Wing!’) But then treats Belle with love by gifting her his library.

    The above cycle of violence is a model developed to help understand the co-existence of loving with abusive behaviours. You can learn more about this cycle or from the book .

    has done a great deal of research into , her work on the 6 cycles of coercive control is used by in their training*. What is frightening about Beauty and the Beast is that when you consider the Beast and then look at the Power and Control wheel, it is like a checklist of the Beast’s behaviour!

    the-power-and-control-wheel

    It only makes matters worse that when Belle is alone in her bedroom, the Beast uses a magic mirror to watch her.

    Disney princess relationship message: You’re lucky to be entrapped in a domestic abuse relationship with a violent controlling voyeur.

    * If you would like to find out more about Aurora New Dawn’s training programmes, please or visit our .

Not the worst Disney Princess relationship

Aurora and Prince Philip, : Sleeping Beauty does get a lot of flak. However, when prince Philip first met Aurora in the woods, he didn’t pull anything creepy on her and seemed to genuinely want to get to know her. Later, Maleficent captures him and whilst taunting him she explains that only ‘true love’s kiss’ can wake Aurora. So, I’m willing to cut his non-consensual kiss of sleeping beauty some slack as he did kill a dragon to get to Aurora and believed kissing her would save her… unlike the creepy sex pest in Snow White.

Why do these Disney Princess relationships matter?

These Disney princess relationships matter more than we may think. The relationships act as an example to young children throughout the world and have the power to affect their behaviour and shape their vision of the world. Especially, if it is us the adults who are endorsing them.

Disney’s target market

While Disney brands itself as family oriented, it is no Disney primarily focuses it’s marketing on boys and girls aged 4 to 12 .

Movie Recommended age
Aladdin 6+
Cinderella 5+
Red Shoes and the Seven Dwarfs 7+
Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs 5+
Mulan 5+
Little Mermaid 5+
Beauty and the Beast 6+

Without getting too dramatic about all of this, a child’s formative years are from age 0 to 8. Which means that we can see an overlap between the most crucial and vulnerable age for child development and Disney marketing.

worrying-about-others

Child viewing habit facts

Here are a few light facts on the amount of time children can spend exposed to cartoons and messages from them.

  • Children between the age of 2 and 5 watch cartoons for up to 32 hours per week. While those aged between 6 and 11 will watch around 28 hours a week.
  • 53% of those children aged between 7 and 12 watch TV without parental supervision.

Of course, we all are different and allow our children access to TV and film for different amounts of time and at different ages. However, there is no denying that ‘the screen’ takes a certain place in our children’s lives.

The effect of cartoons on children

As mentioned earlier, there is an overlap between Disney’s target market and a child’s formative years. Furthermore, Disney is specifically targeting the youngest in our society as they go through ‘primary socialisation’.

Primary socialisation occurs between birth and puberty and is the period of time when a human first begins to learn social rules and conventions. It is the most influential development period as it is when a child will learn the values, attitudes, taboos, and behaviours of social culture .

Social psychology also states that during primary socialisation children shape their behaviour as their ideas of the roles of women and men being received .

Children imitate what they see on screen, the content affects their moral and social values, and gender differentiation (Ghilzai, Shazia & Alam, Rabia & Ahmad, Zubair & Shaukat, Amina & Shahum, Syeda & Noor, 2017) .

The worst messages Disney Princesses send our children

Given that the research above demonstrates that:

  • Children spend a considerable amount of time watching cartoons.
  • Children are vulnerable to messaging about social values.

Should we not worry about the messages which Disney princess relationships offer? Especially considering that we live with a culture of male violence against women:

  • 137 women are killed by a family member each day .
  • It is estimated that less than 40% of women who experience violence seek help .
  • Globally, 1 in 3 women will be the victim of domestic abuse .
  • In 2018, 3.1% of women (510,000) and 0.8% of men (138,000) aged 16-59 were the victims of sexual assault .
  • 5 in 6 victims (83%) of sexual assault not reporting their experiences to the police .

It only takes one look at to see the terrifying toll male violence has been taking on women and therefore why we need to be very conscious of what we teach our children, both boys and girls.

Speaking for myself, my daughter struggles to understand complex forms of humour such as parody or satire. She tends to take a lot of messages at face value. So, whether it be Ursula telling Ariel that she doesn’t need a voice to communicate as long as she has a pretty face or Merlin endlessly expressing beauty as the most important value… my daughter is simply going to take at face value any messages which she doesn’t recognise due to their nuance.

More importantly, I do not want to be sitting alongside my daughter telling her:

‘The Beast is not so bad… he’s just a bit sad… Belle should stick with him!’

‘You’ve got to understand, Li Shang is just doing his job, the rules are the rules, Mulan knew that when she signed up.’

I would rather avoid these movies, but if that isn’t possible, I’d challenge her:

‘Do you think its OK for Aladdin to walk into Jasmine’s bedroom (late in the evening/night) without asking?’

‘Why is Ariel giving up her voice and changing the way she looks…? Why doesn’t Eric make some changes too? Why doesn’t he become a merman?’

‘Do you think its OK for the prince to kiss Snow White? He doesn’t even know her and she’s asleep.’

‘Do you think its OK for the Beast to shout at her? Scare her? Watch her in her bedroom through a magic mirror without her knowing?’

a-disney-princess-problem

Our Responsibility

Overall, this is about more than just some outdated Disney cartoons, there are plenty of cartoons, films, TV shows which send inappropriate messages to children. There is also a deeper issue that reaches into two core behaviours of parents.

Firstly, we have to be vigilant to messaging. If a cartoon is signalling that even though you are unhappy to be abused by your step family, you should sit at home and wait for something magical to happen, isn’t it our responsibility as parents to challenge that and suggest an alternative to our children?

Secondly, we have to be careful what messages we are sending our kids. If I tell my daughter, ‘The Beast is just misunderstood’, then she will interpret that as me promoting tolerance in the face of abuse.

If not Disney Princesses then what?

So, now that I have ruined 7 beloved children’s movies, I have 7 recommendations of replacements that show positive (or at worst neutral) representations of both men and women.

  • Hard to summarise in a few words: An animated TV show about Carmen, an orphan girl who is found, raised, and trained by an institute of villains to be a master thief. Upon realising the true nature of the institute, she goes rogue and seeks to right their wrongs. Foiling their plans, stealing back what has been stolen in order to return them. The show is funny, exciting, and educational. Furthermore, it has introduced to my daughter a heroine who falters and faces adversity, but doesn’t give up.

  • A live action Dora the explorer. This movie introduces us to a young girl, different to others, who refuses to compromise on who she is. Dora and the Lost City of Gold is an action comedy that sweeps up a group of school kids and takes them on a jungle adventure.

  • Based on the classic Roald Dahl novel. Matilda refuses to accept her place in the world; living with a neglectful family and bullied by a school teacher. She uses her intelligence and a little magic to get even and help a kind-hearted teacher.

  • A family, comedy, buddy movie about an alien who becomes friends with a little girl. The girl has lost her mum and goes on a quest across the globe to reunite with her. This movie promotes family values and determination… and has a great soundtrack which my daughter made me buy her.

  • A young girl befriends a lost Yeti and embarks on a journey to reunite it with its family. Along the way she learns to make peace with her past. Abominable is beautiful to watch and filled with good natured messages, humour, and adventure.

  • A TV series about a group of kids who visit the Jurassic World island only for the dinosaurs to escape and cause mayhem on the island. The group of kids is made up of nuanced characters, each with their own personal flaws and strengths, who need to learn to work together to overcome adversity.

  • How could animated Spider-Man not be popular among children? There are scenes of action and peril, so keep that in mind when putting it on for younger kids. What makes this movie stand out is not just that the cartoon is well crafted and enjoyable, but that it introduces the first female Spider-Man… Spider-Woman. Gwen is a strong, capable woman for girls to look up to and roleplay as in the playground when the kids want to play superhero games.

About Me

If you would like to know a little more about me, you can read my article on . I consider myself honored to support the female-only team of Aurora New Dawn in the way that I can, by working on their website.

Additional References

Craissati, Jackie. (2005). Sexual violence against women: A psychological approach to the assessment and management of rapists in the community. Probation Journal. 52. 401-422. 10.1177/0264550505058950.

Ghilzai, Shazia & Alam, Rabia & Ahmad, Zubair & Shaukat, Amina & Shahum, Syeda & Noor,. (2017). Impact of Cartoon Programs on Children’s Language and Behavior. ILSC. 2. 104-126.

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What is the impact of Coronavirus in the UK?

The impacts of Coronavirus in the UK can be felt all across the country. These impacts are mounting, especially now that we in the UK are all in a Coronavirus lock-down. As a result, everyone is feeling the stress and pressure of this unprecedented situation in different ways.

What impacts is Covid-19/Coronavirus having in the UK?

In this article, three members of the Aurora New Dawn team give interviews on the impacts of Coronavirus on the UK VAW sector, how Aurora has responded to the lockdown, what the Covid-19 lock-down means for the future of the sector, and who to contact if you want to speak with someone.

Coronavirus affecting CEO Aurora

Shonagh – CEO

  • Founded Aurora New Dawn in 2011.
  • Shonagh has over 25 years of experience working in the violence against women sector.
  • Her work in the VAW sector has been recognised with multiple local and national awards, including Civil Servant of the Year Award 2007.
  • Shonagh studied at Southampton University, graduated in Law LLB and is a doctoral research student.
  • She has worked with both Refuge and the Early Intervention Project.


To see a summary of the transcript, click here.

British operations manager smiling through the covid-19 lockdown

Zoë – Operations manager

  • Zoë has strategic responsibility for the operation and delivery of Aurora’s frontline domestic abuse and sexual violence services, and leads on the organisation’s work with the Armed Forces.
  • Zoë holds a Law degree (LLB) from the University of Bristol and a Master’s degree (MSc) in Criminology and Criminal Psychology (with distinction) from the University of Portsmouth.
  • Her dissertation on the identification and management of serial domestic abuse offenders was given the SAGE award for Best Masters Dissertation 2016.


To see a summary of what was said, click here.

the UK covid-19 impact on VAW sector

Lyn – Community projects manager

  • She has worked in the VAW sector for 15 years with a working background in sexual abuse.
  • Lyn is a qualified Humanistic Counsellor and a Clore Leadership Fellow (Feminist Leader).
  • She developed and obtained an OCN Quality Mark for Aurora’s Athena Programmes. Aurora’s Athena Programmes are domestic abuse and self-esteem programmes which incorporate supporting prostituted women and harm-minimisation.


To see a summary of what was said, click here.

Who can I contact during the UK Coronavirus lock-down?

The 24/7 helpline number is 02394 216 816, do not hesitate to get in touch. To see our full list of contact numbers and services, click here.

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Shonagh’s response to the Coronavirus lock-down

What was your priority for Aurora New Dawn when you heard about the COVID-19 lockdown?

Shonagh explained that the most important thing was the safety of clients. Therefore, the first thing that she did was to write a safety plan for victims and survivors stuck in lock-down with abusive partners. As a result of this, many organisations across the UK got in contact with Aurora to request that safety plan.

The next priority was to consider how Aurora could continue to operate under the new Coronavirus lock-down restrictions and how this would affect how the team would work. Preparations to make sure the Aurora team were prepped to work from home included a test day. Aurora already had a cloud based paperless system which helped to reduce the impact.

One of the largest impacts on the Aurora team has been in terms of face-to-face interaction as the Aurora team have a great and productive rapport which enables them to bounce off of each other.

How has COVID19 changed your working conditions?

Covid-19 has had a massive impact, the team are also experiencing self isolation as Coronavirus doesn’t discriminate. While the team are lucky because they have a roof over their head and food in the cupboards, the isolation still has an impact. On a personal level, Shonagh is looking out for her team and making sure they touch base regularly.

In terms of work, Aurora has managed to mobalise and adapt to the situation. Shonagh is very proud of the speed in which her team, the organisation, and the wider sector has managed to mobilise as a charitable and women’s movement, which is often working on a financial back foot, yet has managed to continue operating to the best of its ability.

Can victims still get in touch with you? And how?

Aurora new Dawn has set up a 24 hour 7 day a week helpline, so they can be contacted anytime. The office line is still in operation but just redirects to team members mobiles. So hours of Aurora service have actually extended and this system will continue until the lock-down ends.

The 24/7 helpline number is 02394 216 816, do not hesitate to get in touch. To see our full list of contact numbers and services, click here.

What impacts do you think the Coronavirus situation will have for the future of victims and survivors?

There are different ways Aurora can be proactive in reaching out to victims and survivors, but Aurora recognises, as a sector, that the capacity for victims and survivors to get in contact is limited. Once the Coronavirus lock-down is lifted, Shonagh believes that we will see a surge in victims and survivors coming forward across many different sectors. Not just domestic abuse, but also sexual violence and stalking.

Regarding stalking, it is known that some stalkers, not all, have severe mental health issues, and the lock-down will impact on their mental health and therefore their behaviours will increase. Furthermore, due to the nature of the lock-down, we will also see an increase in cyber stalking. Aurora is lucky to have the only digital media investigations advocate in the UK (to Shonagh’s knowledge).

Shonagh also believes that we will see an increase in sexual violence, particularly around intimate partner relationships, so these referrals will come forward. She further adds that we will see a massive surge in domestic abuse and people needing help either to flee their home or enter a refuge space. This situation in turn will have an impact on those refuges as the numbers increase.

Shonagh adds that there will of course be an increase in the number of people seeking advice and guidance around what their options are. In summary, Shonagh believes there will be a huge surge in referrals to the Aurora service.

Coronavirus and perpetrators of abuse

Shonagh wanted to say that Coronavirus does not make someone abusive. They were already abusive, perpetrators are exploiting the Covid-19 lock-down to exert further power and control over their partners.

The symptom checklist is NOT.

  • Dry cough
  • Temperature
  • Being a perpetrator

Covid-19 does not cause someone to be a perpetrator, they were already abusive. The message that Shonagh would really like to get out there is that, across the country, we are all experiencing these exacerbating factors, we are all experiencing stress, high levels of negative mental health, however the vast majority of us walking through life do not choose to take that out on our partners. Abusers are choosing to behave in that way and Covid-19 cannot change that either for the better or worse.

the affects of covid-19 on a British citizen

A summary of Zoë’s answers to the Coronavirus lock-down questions

What was your first thought when you heard about the Coronavirus lockdown?

Zoë wanted to make sure that Aurora continue to deliver their services and continue to reach the people who need them, so the first thought which went through Zoë’s head was ‘how do we make that work?’ and ‘how do we make that happen as quickly as possible?’. Aurora had a good understanding of what the lock-down might mean for people experiencing domestic abuse and so their first focus was about mobilising as quickly as possible to prepare for that.

How soon was it that Aurora began making changes to their form of operation?

The Aurora team followed the news closely, they knew it was a developing situation and prior to lock-down had a good understanding of the direction the Coronavirus situation was headed in. Therefore, Aurora began making preparations for working offsite so that when they lock-down came Aurora was ready for it.

What changes has Aurora had to make because of COVID19?

There were a variety of changes which Zoë says Aurora had to make:

  • They had to adapt to working remotely rather than in offices.
  • It was necessary to stop face to face work in accordance with Government guidance.
  • A transition to an electronic diary system was made to streamline communication in the event of incidents such as staff sickness.
  • The subject of accessibility was re-examined as the lock-down has meant increased isolation with a lack of access to support, two examples Zoë gives of increased access to support are:
    • Making sure that messages across social media are getting out there so that everyone can see Aurora is very much still in operation.
    • Getting the 24/7 helpline off of the ground and raising awareness of it so that people can get in touch with Aurora at different times of the day as and when they need support.

The aforementioned 24 hour, 7 days a week helpline number is 02394 216 816, please get in touch with us. If you would like to see our complete list of contact services, click here.

How are victims responding to the change of circumstances?

The lock-down is having an impact on people’s safety, on the abuse they are experiencing and their ability to access support. Aurora is in contact with clients which they had before, and Aurora was in contact with them before the lock-down to discuss the implications the lock-down could have for them moving forwards and how they could maintain contact with Aurora.

Zoë says that Aurora is providing support in ways which may be a bit different from before the lock-down, as they cannot meet clients face to face they are adapting to contact via the telephone and through messages and emails.

Aurora is contacting clients more briefly, it might be that clients have less time to speak with Aurora so Aurora maximises the time that they have. Some clients might need a bit more support, whilst others may be accessing that support less and at times when it is safe for them to do so.

What worries do you have regarding the impact of Coronavirus going forward?

For Zoë, the worries are for how long the Coronavirus lock-down goes on as Aurora are of course concerned for victims safety, their emotional and physical safety. This lock-down period may exacerbate what they are experiencing or this may be a period in which people begin to experience abuse for the first time due to tensions in homes. Examples of what may cause these tensions are financial problems and the toll the Covid-19 situation has taken on mental health. In terms of safety and well-being for the people Aurora work with, the duration of this lock-down is a concern.

As a service provider, what concerns Zoë is that Aurora was already delivering services on the ground which were stretched to their capacity, and Zoë’s concern is that now with the lock-down more people will need the services which Aurora offers and will need those services in more creative ways. However, the sustained ability for the VAW sector to provide those services will be challenged as they are under funded.

Zoë says that she is incredibly proud of the front-line staff, how they have adapted, how they have hit the ground running, and the dedication they have made to making sure that the clients are supported. That this is hugely inspiring considering that they are also experiencing isolation in lock-down on a personal level.

Another positive is that Aurora is adapting and learning new ways of working that may well benefit Aurora in the long-run. Many of the new ways of working are things which Aurora will carry forwards long after the Covid-19 situation has died down.

coronavirus news impacts on UK citizen

Lyn’s Coronavirus lock-down interview summary

When you first heard about the Coronavirus lockdown, what was your priority for your service areas?

Lyn had two main priorities, the first was to make sure that victims and survivors were still getting a support service and the second concern was to ensure that the staff at Aurora New Dawn were all safe.

Were the staff at Aurora New Dawn allowed to go out?

Aurora quickly made the decision to work from home and made sure that everything was in place and staff were working from home two or three days before the Government lock-down because it was thought this was the safest thing to do for staff.

However, there were a couple of members of staff who work with the DVA cars project who work face-to-face with clients at a point of crisis on a Friday or Saturday evening. Aurora wanted to keep the project going as they felt it was really important to keep it running as a project but Aurora was informed by the police that external services are no longer allowed to go out with the police during the lock-down.

To learn more about Aurora’s DVA car project click here.

How have you adapted your working to Covid19?

Aurora had to stop face-to-face visits, Aurora could no longer provide support in courts and had to limit the support to before or after court visits either online or over the phone. All group work such as Aurora’s group work done in prisons has had to be suspended until further notice.

Are victims still able to contact you? How are they responding?

Yes, victims can still contact Aurora New Dawn. A new helpline has been set up. Clients of Aurora were informed of the changes which would take place during the lock-down and that support could no longer be face-to-face. Aurora can be contacted:

  • Via the Aurora website.
  • Over Facebook and social media.
  • Over the phone.

The helpline is available 24/7 and the number is 02394 216 816, please contact us if you are looking for support or advice. To see our full contact list and services, click here.

What are your concerns for the duration of the Coronavirus lockdown and beyond?

The first point of Lyn’s concern is that victims are locked down with their perpetrators which increases their risk to any type of abuse, whether it is emotional or physical. If they are not living together, it might increase the cyber aspect of stalking as due to lock-down the perpetrator may increase their creativity and use the internet and social media for access.

Lyn and the Athena project

Athena is a project which Lyn works with, Lyn goes in to prisons and works in group settings with female offenders who have or are experiencing domestic abuse. She does domestic abuse and self esteem programmes with them. However, due to the nature of visiting prisons and being in a closed room with 10 to 15 people this has had to be suspended until after the lock-down.

Lyn had to contact the Athena funder, who has given Aurora an extension on the contract, as Aurora is contracted to deliver a certain amount of programmes but due to Coronavirus the deadline could be missed.

A final word from Lyn

Aurora made sure that all members of their staff could work from home and had the right technical setup in terms of having access to a laptop and the Aurora secure cloud. With the DVA cars, had to stop doing face-to-face but still had a hotline which the police could use to refer clients to Aurora. The hotline has now been extended in to a 24/7 helpline for all clients.

Aurora’s work with stalking

In addition to domestic abuse, Aurora also offer a stalking support service. Stalking awareness week 2020 is between the 20th and the 24th of April and the Aurora helpline can be used if someone has any questions regarding stalking or cyber-stalking.

To learn more about Aurora’s work with stalking click here.

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Express FM interviews Aurora New Dawn

Zoe representing Aurora New Dawn

Below you can find the 3 part interview with Zoe on Express FM. Zoe discuss such issues as stalking, the differences between domestic abuse and domestic violence, coercive control, and sexual violence.

Aurora New Dawn is a non-judgmental charity organisation which offers victim and survivors of domestic abuse, sexual violence and stalking support, all designed by women. At #TeamAurora, we believe you.

Listen to the Express FM Interview:

Want to see the transcripts? Click below:

Aurora New Dawn

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Transcript 1: Express FM Interview with Aurora Part 1

Host: A subject which we’ve covered on this show many a time over the years is an organisation called . Zoe joins us as our profile guest tonight. Zoe, good evening to you.

Zoe: Hello.

Host: Alright?

Zoe: I’m good thank you.

Host: We must give a mention to Lyn, Lyn is with us tonight.

Zoe: She is.

Host: Watching.

Zoe: Sat on the sofa.

Host: Watching and waving. She’s too scared to come on the air.

Zoe: She is.

Host: But… she’s just put her feet up on the soda.

Zoe: She’s fine, she’s comfortable.

Host: Yeah, yeah, yeah, she’s well-trained is she?

Zoe: I’ve got her well-trained, absolutely, don’t you worry.

Host: Great, thanks for coming in, it’s good to see you both.

Zoe: Thanks for having me.

Host: Thanks for coming in and talking to us. Tell us a little more about the organisation first of all, ‘cos there’s bound to be people out there who are not too sure what you do.

Zoe: Yeah, absolutely, so we are or ‘Aurora’ for short, it’s probably the easiest way to say it, and we are a charity based in Portsmouth but we work across Hampshire and deliver a number of different services, we also do a little bit in West Sussex. And we work with victims of , , and . So, within that we deliver a number of different services and work in a number of different ways, but we are a victim focused organisation, we’re a registered charity and we’ve been going since 2011.

Host: Ok, so fairly new.

Zoe: Yeah.

Host: Yeah, but it’s one of those subjects, isn’t it, I mean that I mean stalking for one and obviously the domestic abuse has been going on, but the stalking has really sort of over the last few years been really highlighted and well in a positive way in some respects.

Zoe: Absolutely, yes so um, stalking has obviously been around for forever, but in 2012 was when stalking became a criminal offense in the UK.

Host: Is it fair to say it was probably more taken seriously?

Zoe: I think so, yeah, and I think there’s been a lot of work. There was a lot of work in the run-up to that legislation and since it there’s been more work that’s happened. But I think often people think of stalking as something that happens to celebrities. We see a lot of that stuff in popular media in films it’s been quite romanticized in terms of a behaviour, but in actual fact stalking is really quite prevalent. It happens to various different people, it happens in various different situations, so people might be stalked by an ex-partner, they could be stalked by an acquaintance by a stranger in some cases, and what I think films haven’t done particularly well is, is kind of portray really how frightening that is for the victims. So the legislation was really important, because we now have a criminal offense of stalking in its own right. Previously we had harassment legislation, and since then there’s been a lot of work done to really raise the profile and we certainly see a number of cases coming through the service so it’s a really important part of the service we deliver.

Host: You know we look at TV programmes we look at films you just sort of mentioned that there and social media as well. Do you think perhaps, you know, sometimes TV programmes and that sort of respect don’t actually help? They can somewhat make matters worse in some ways.

Zoe: I think sometimes they can, I think sometimes stalking is trivialized a little bit and it’s seen as kind of this idea of unrequited love and if you just keep pursuing people, isn’t that romantic? And eventually you know they’ll come to love you. And really as I say stalking takes a lot of different forms. So we know a lot of people are stalked by ex-partners it’s kind of an extension of domestic abuse that they’ve experienced previously in the relationship. And it really is terrifying you know? Stalking is incredibly psychologically damaging. It tends to go on for a long time, victims will experience really high levels of fear associated with that, so it’s really important that we do take it seriously and that we understand it. Because often stalking is a number of what seem like very small incidences but when you build that into a pattern that happens over a long period of time that really does take over somebody’s life.

Host: Yes, scary isn’t it? Because I think the song from the police…

Zoe: It is absolutely.

Host: Yeah is one, it really makes you stand up and think, yeah quite a classic song but…

Zoe: It’s quite terrifying.

Host: Because if you listen to the lyrics, it gives an idea of how serious the offense is.

Zoe: Absolutely and there is that feeling for victims, of really not knowing where a threat is coming from. You know? Depending on who the perpetrator is, and what they’re experiencing, where that person’s going to turn up, if they’re going to turn up. Because not all stalking involves ‘approach behaviors’ as we would call them. So a lot of that behaviour will happen online now. Obviously, with you know, we live our lives online don’t we? The whole cyber element. It would be unusual to see a case of stalking that doesn’t have a ‘cyber-element’ to it. So there’s lots of different access points. And what stalkers will do is they will use those access points, so they will look at the ways in, so for victims there’s really a sense of just being on high alert all of the time, and being worried and frightened all of the time. So, it really is a damaging thing to experience.

Host: Certainly on the Internet, because obviously, you know it’s free access to most people these days, and I guess with the stalking element it has sort of increased things a little bit.

Zoe: Yeah it’s made everybody more accessible hasn’t it? And I think in, you know it’s really important to flag up that’s a good thing, you know? We can stay in touch with people, we can stay in touch with our support networks, and that we’ve got access to so much more information and support online. But with that comes accessibility, and often we don’t think about what is out there on the Internet about ourselves, and our privacy settings and you know all the recent coverage of Facebook and all that kind of stuff. It’s really important for people just to be aware of their online presence and their online security. We would never say to people, you know to come off that stuff, and I wouldn’t want people to feel worried about that. But just to be aware of what those access points might be is sensible.

Host: And what about stalking here in this area, in Portsmouth? Is that a concern for your organisation?

Zoe: Well, we’re actually, Hampshire as a whole is really fortunate and we’ve been flagged up several times nationally as a best practice area in relation to the work we do around stalking. Because in Hampshire, what we do is we have a very strong multi-agency partnership in terms of the way we respond to stalking. So there is a Hampshire stalking clinic. There is a process by which cases of stalking are looked at by a partnership of the police the Crown Prosecution Service mental health professionals and our victim advocate are stalking team, to make sure that victims are supported properly, to make sure the investigations are effective, to make sure that we are tackling stalkers. Because that’s important you know, there are individuals that are fixated and obsessed, so if we don’t do something about their behaviour, it is likely they will either start that again or they will find somebody else to target. So we’ve been flagged up several times nationally as a best practice response. And in that way, we’re probably quite good at identifying it, I think so, it’s not necessarily a particular problem for the area, but services like ours will see a lot of cases because we’re, you know, we’re attuned to it really, yeah.

Host: This may sound like a daft question, but what are the sort of, the early warning signs of stalking? Sometimes you might not be aware this is actually happening.

Zoe: No and that can be really tricky I think.

Host: It’s how you define it, isn’t it?

Zoe: It’s how you define it. Stalking is essentially about fixation and obsession. So one of my favorite ways of remembering it is to think of the word F.O.U.R: so you are Fixated, Obsessed, Unwanted, and Repeated. That’s the type of thing that we’re looking around stalking behaviour, so it is about that fixation, it doesn’t tend to stop of its own accord. There would need to be some intervention, there really, if people are worried about any contact that they’re receiving, you know whether that be online/offline, if they feel uncomfortable. Stalking is about the imposition of a relationship on someone that doesn’t want it, whether that’s because there was a previous relationship and that’s ended, but that individual is trying to kind of regain that relationship, or whether it’s someone that they’ve not met before. If they feel uncomfortable, what I’d always say is: get in touch with somebody about it. You know, certainly our service, we’re happy to take calls, if people are concerned, we’re always happy to advise around kind of online safety, around the reporting process, around the options available. And keeping a diary can be a really good way of starting that process off as well, so kind of logging instances down, however trivial they may seem. You know, logging them down and logging down the details of that and how it made the individual feel can really help if there is kind of an investigation going forward. But always talk to someone if you’re concerned.

Host: It isn’t just a female thing?

Zoe: No, no, absolutely not. Predominately victims of stalking are female – yes, and predominantly perpetrators are male.

Host: That’s why I asked the question.

Zoe: But it’s absolutely not exclusively female victims that we deal with, so it’s really important that we kind of put that out there and it can happen to anyone. So often professionals can be stalked by, you know, clients or people that they’ve worked with, their patients you know, as I said it can be complete strangers sometimes. It can be just an individual that someone’s had the misfortune, if you like, to come into brief contact with. Anything that makes that person feel uncomfortable if they’re starting to feel like it is repeating, it is slightly obsessive, get in touch with somebody, talk it through, take some advice.

Host: Know the warning signs.

Zoe: Know the warning signs, and know that it’s not ok. You know all this stuff in popular culture about, oh well, it will probably stop or maybe I’m being, you know… victims have a tendency to feel like maybe they’re overreacting a little bit, or they might have friends and family around them, they’re saying “oh it’s probably nothing” or “he probably just likes you” that kind of stuff. If it’s making you feel uncomfortable, then it’s absolutely right that you get some support around it.

Host: Okay we’ll pause there for a bit of music now, I’m not sure which one you want first.

Zoe: Can we have Taylor Swift please?

Host: We can do that, we certain can do that, I guess there’s been a meeting here somewhere because you’ve asked the office for this haven’t you?

Zoe: Well, both song choices are out to the office, but I take credit for the Taylor Swift one because I am a fan of Taylor Swift and I’m not ashamed of it so it’s just a track I like, so ‘Shake it off shake it off’.

[Music]

Transcript 2: Express FM Interview with Aurora Part 2

Host: We talked about stalking and I’m going to give you all the information and all the necessary numbers, and all that kind of thing a little bit later on in the program. So stay tuned for that. So, we were talking about stalking Zoe. Obviously, domestic abuse is obviously a big thing too isn’t it? And over recent years, I guess, it has really sort of like stalking [entered] more into the public fray as it were.

Zoe: We’ve really moved forward, I mean, I’ve been doing this now for about 15 years and even in that time there have been real significant developments in terms of the way we respond to domestic abuse, the way we work together as agencies around domestic abuse. But it’s still, really, still incredibly prevalent and I think a lot of the time people don’t realise quite how prevalent it is. So we are still in a situation in the UK where 1-in 4 women at some point in time in their lives will experience domestic abuse, around one in 6 men, and 2 women a week in the UK are killed by a current or former partner so that’s about 1 every 3 days.

Host: Scary isn’t it? It’s a stat.

Zoe: It is a scary stat. And it’s been that way for a significant amount of time so it’s not increasing, but it’s not decreasing either. So really domestic abuse is something that we need to be aware of and able to respond to in the best possible way.

Host: When we say ‘domestic abuse’ this can be all sorts, can’t it?

Zoe: Yes, which is why we use the term ‘domestic abuse’ now. As opposed to ‘domestic violence’ because ‘domestic violence’ obviously has connotations that there is physical violence and there has to be physical violence for that to exist. And domestic abuse is actually much wider than that. So we know that there is physical violence a lot in abusive relationships and that physical violence can range from pushing, shoving, burning, kicking, pinching, to strangulation; attempts to block the airway and ultimately murder as we have already talked about. But there are a number of other behaviours that victims will often experience, some will not experience violence at all, we talk now a lot about coercive control which, again, is another new criminal offence, newish, since 2015. So coercive and controlling behaviour in an intimate relationship is now against the law in this country. And that doesn’t require any violence, that’s about someone’s every move being policed and watched and their life being controlled so that there is a significant impact on their day-to-day activities. Financial abuse is a real factor for a lot of our clients, the control around money.

Host (disapproving): Say yeah, it’s amazing isn’t it, to control someone’s finances.

Zoe: Yeah, a lot of our clients will report that they are given pocket money, that their money is restricted, that they are made to account for receipts.

Host: They’re almost treated like a child.

Zoe: Absolutely and it’s just an extension of that control. What happens in domestic abuse, because it is about power and control, is that every behaviour is designed to keep that person under the control of the perpetrator and subservient to them and fearful of the consequences of not following the rules. So the rules are set by one person [and] one person only, they will change based on what that one person wants to do. And it can be absolutely exhausting to try and kind of keep up with that. And then you’ve got the fear of violence, the threat of violence, and sometimes the use of violence that kind of underpins all of that. Financial abuse, verbal abuse, name-calling, and sexual violence is a massive factor for our clients as well. So some of them will experience that, so there’s a lot of different behaviours caught up in it and a lot of stuff to unpick, so not just physical violence and there doesn’t have to be physical violence for a relationship to be abusive.

Host: There’s so many strands to it isn’t there?

Zoe: Yeah, it’s a real complex issue.

Host: Again, yeah, we’ll give the necessary numbers and things like that a little bit later on in the program, how people can get in touch. The message though: if you are in that situation is too obviously seek help at whatever sort of level

Zoe: Absolutely, come and talk to a specialist service. And I think the important thing to say about that is that services like ours, and there are you know services up and down the country, depending on where people live, will not force somebody to take a particular course of action. So it’s not necessarily, you know, they don’t necessarily have to go to the police, they don’t have to report if they don’t want to. What we’re there to do is to listen, to talk to that client about what’s going on and to give them a number of options that are available to them and support them in accessing those options. Ultimately, what we want to do is make them safe, we want to have a little look at the risks in those relationships and we want to be able to give them the right options. But the first step is to reach out and to talk to somebody, and to tell somebody what’s going on which is really difficult, really hard.

Host: I imagine it is because it is like ‘is that person going to believe me’?

Zoe: Absolutely, and that’s the number one thing I think that clients will worry about, the victims will worry about, when they talk to services like ours, is, you know, am I going mad? Am I making a big thing out of this? Because part of the psychological abuse that they’ve often experienced is that what they’re experiencing has been minimized, or the perpetrator will deny their behaviour, or they’ll say it’s not as bad as you think it is, or this is normal. So they really start to question what’s going on for them and in some cases question their own sanity and own mental health.

Host: Put me downs?

Zoe: Absolutely and their self-esteem is on the floor, and their confidence is on the floor, they’re frightened a lot of the time. You know there’s a real fear around domestic abuse, and a real fear of the consequences of, you know, something huge like leaving that relationship. So come and talk to a service like ours, it is non-judgmental we’re not going to be prescriptive about what people do. Even if it’s just to get the options and have a think about it. You know, that’s what services are there for, and we recognize it can be scary, we’re there to believe people were there to listen and so we’d encourage people to get in touch.

Host: Zoe, you said you’ve been here, or not here, in the organization for about 15 years.

Zoe: I’ve been with Aurora since it started in 2011. And prior to that I was working in the domestic abuse sector, so I was working for the local authority.

Host: Okay, so you’ve seen a few changes in that sort of short space of time really.

Zoe: Yes, I have.

Host: Is it better?

Zoe: I think most of it’s for the better. I think what we have seen is huge reductions in funding, which is not ideal, over the last few years. And that’s a challenging environment to work in when you’re trying to deliver services and we’re trying to make as many people safe as possible. But in terms of positive changes, yes there are a number. We’ve talked about the legislation, and you know those things are really important. I think for me one of the biggest changes has been the way that we communicate with organizations like the police and the way that we work together and how open the police are as an organization.

Host: Has that broken down barriers?

Zoe: Absolutely, I mean when I first came into the sector we didn’t really talk to the police very much. You know, they did their job and we did ours. And that’s really changed. I mean we run a very successful partnership project now with Hampshire Constabulary. And , which Lyn leads on, which is a project whereby we send advocates out with the police on crisis response to 999 calls on a Friday and Saturday night across the county.

Host: Is that the peak?

Zoe: Yeah, it tends to be. The advocates will also work during the week. So they will also do follow-up visits with the police, and safeguarding visits. But we have learnt an awful lot from them, I hope they have learnt an awful lot from us as well, from having advocates out with them. And that’s a really good example of how a charity and a statutory organisation are working really really closely together. Primarily, because it’s the best thing for victims. So they get an independent advocate when they’re calling the police, to offer a bit of support, specialist knowledge, and information. And the police can do their job around the investigation and the policey bit. And it works really really well. And what it helps to do, is for victims to feel more comfortable to engage with agencies in the long term, because they’ve met with somebody at that point of crisis which is really important.

Host: People perhaps listening tonight want to get in touch. Will want to get involved, because, I mean, like any organisation, you’re a charity too, you know? That’s the thing about all this. And you said, you know, you hinted, earlier that funding has been cut, and I’ve spoken to many organisations over the years.

Zoe: It’s a challenging climate.

Host: Yeah, in a similar situation, chasing the same amount of money, the same pot of money, it does get difficult. So all the fundraising, do you go out on the streets and shake a tin like the old days?

Zoe: Yeah, so we are a big fan of a crazy fundraiser at Aurora. So we have done various things in the past, we’ve done sponsored fire walks, we have done a sea swim at the beginning of March in the freezing cold Solent. We have done a sober karaoke for sponsorship. So we do a lot of fundraising, so if people are interested in supporting that or getting involved. And we also have people that will go out and do things like the great south run for us. One of the team is about to do the three peaks challenge, Cerise is about to do that for Aurora.

Host: Good luck Cerise!

Zoe: Good luck Cerise! So [if] people want to get involved, absolutely get in touch with us. We are also on Facebook as Aurora New Dawn and we are on Twitter at Aurora New Dawn. All of the details of all any fundraising that we do is up there and we welcome anybody that wants to support us in any way. If people want to get in touch with us about support and about our services, you can find our website, the contact details are on there. You can email us, you can give us a call, just reach out to us in any way that you feel comfortable.

Host: It’s a tough area too, I would imagine, I would imagine the demographics are sort of completely mixed, very diverse.

Zoe: Yeah, it is very diverse and our clients are very diverse. So, you know, with most of our services, we will work with clients ages 16 and up, we have clients that are well over 60, a broad spectrum of clients, [from] different backgrounds. You know, domestic abuse doesn’t discriminate, you know, it cuts across all kinds of cultural barriers and all of that kind of stuff. So it is really broad, but what I think we’re really good at doing is treating each client as an individual, and sitting down with them and finding out what it is that they want to do, and what it is that they need, and working with them around that.

Host: Yeah Zoe we’re going to play a bit of music, a bit of ‘Lizo’.

Zoe: Yes thank you.

Host: ‘Juice’.

Zoe: ‘Juice’, this was the team choice, this was over to the team, so thank you to the team.

Zoe: This is for the Aurora Team.

Transcript 3: Express FM Interview with Aurora Part 3

Host: To recap Zoe again, if people want to get in touch, or particularly feel vulnerable I think as well, you know, that the stalking issue of course or whatever domestic abuse situation they find themselves in.

Zoe: There are a number of ways people can get in touch with us, the contact details are on the website (click here). They can call us on 023 92 479254 or drop us an e-mail at info@aurorand.org.uk so Aurora New Dawn and as I say they can go to the website if they haven’t had a chance to write those details down. And get in touch if for some reason we’re not the right local service, we will signpost on. We will make sure we get you to the right place. If you are concerned, then please do get in touch with us. Our Facebook page is also open for messages if people feel more comfortable doing that and our DMs are open on Twitter.

Host: Look at that, all sorts of ways to get in touch

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The Bubble of Male Privilege

Life in a bubble

You know how your phone, laptop, tablet are all connected these days? Furthermore, they all monitor your activity and try to figure out who you are based on your searches and then tailor the adverts, news, and recommendations they beam to you to reflect this. Well, the challenge for my phone is that I share my devices with my wife and daughter.

My phone thinks I love (to name but a few) cartoon network, trip-hop and downtempo music, Russian politics (in Russian), Ryan’s toy review, Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper gossip, Grand Designs, and the traffic in Ryde. Therefore, whenever I check the news, this is what I typically scroll through; this is the bubble in which I live.

I was shocked, when one day in June, I was scrolling through the news and I stumbled upon an article that was on quite a different topic. A closed-down lap-dancing club, near where I live, was set to reopen. An establishment that self-identified as a sex entertainment venue/sex club was going to have a license to be open from 10 pm to 4 am every night, 2 minutes walk from where I live. Suddenly, I was lurched from my bubble.

“Male

Working with Aurora

My concern led me to seek out likeminded individuals and before I knew it, I was helping with the formatting of a blog entitled ‘’ for Aurora New Dawn. From there, I was delighted to begin work optimising and updating . I was so pleased because it was an opportunity to work on an important cause that I have always felt strongly about.

My job is to format content for the website and build/update web pages, this means proofreading everything, reading the content again, and again, and again. This means facing uncomfortable truths about male behaviour and more importantly, the scale of male perpetrated violence against women.

It’s not that I hadn’t been aware of issues such as , , and . However, what I had done is distance myself from such truths and insulated myself in a bubble of comfort. Working for Aurora, what had once been peripheral began to take centre stage.

Male privilege and ‘the bubble effect’

We men have many privileges. We are so used to many of our privileges that we may not even register them in our consciousness. For example, we are less likely to be interrupted when speaking and can take up more physical space in a public place. Both convenient male privileges that are just the tip of the iceberg.

The facts are:

  • Men are much less likely to be on the receiving end of domestic abuse. I’ve seen statistics with numbers as high as 85% of domestic violence victims are women.
  • Men are significantly less likely to experience sexual assault or rape, especially if they are a heterosexual male.
  • Men are rarely the victim of street harassment.

For some men, like me, it can seem strange when a woman starts talking about something like sexual harassment in the street, I understand the concept, I’m appalled by the notion, but I’ve never experienced it. This unfamiliarity can marginalise the issue: As it doesn’t affect me, and I don’t see it, how many people can that possibly affect? As it turns out… many women.

One study found that 81% of 811 female respondents were the target of sexually explicit comments from an unknown man at least once in their lifetimes, with 41% saying this had happened at least 26 times in their life.

It is very easy to walk the streets when you are a sturdy 6ft 3” male. As a large man, when people say to me things like “It’s dangerous to walk the city streets at night”, I pause and think, “Well sure, theoretically I guess, but I’ve never been assaulted.”

Come to think of it:

  • I’ve never been in a domestic abuse relationship.
  • I’ve never been sexually assaulted.
  • I’ve never been sexually harassed in the street.

When my work colleague joked that when she arranges first dates, she always has a little worry that her date is going to chop her into pieces and put her in a suitcase… she was able to cite sources for her concern. There’s a grain of truth in every joke.

How peculiar the thought is that a woman could be violent to me. My wife is 5ft, I can pick her and my daughter up at the same time. My wife has never once picked me up. On our first date, it never entered my mind that she could pose a physical threat to me. Throughout my life, on all the dates I’ve been on, I’ve never entertained the notion that my date might try and hurt me.

That’s not to say that women can’t be violent to men, of course they can and are. But very rarely. In fact:

  • Men are significantly less likely to be killed by their female partner or ex-partner they are much more likely to be killed by men.
  • In 2013-14, 93% of defendants in domestic violence cases were men.

Yes, men are victims too, but not on the scale that women are. Yes, women can be violent too, but not on the scale that men can be. So the baseline problem remains the same, male violence.

The reality for many women is that simply rejecting a man can lead to a violent backlash.

Male privilege confronted by the scale of male violence

And so, as one day I worked on the of the Aurora website, as a man reading and rereading, again and again about the scale of violence against women, I couldn’t help but feel angry, ashamed, outraged, and responsible.

Angry – at the perpetrators of violence. Ashamed – because the facts were so clear, that it is men perpetrating this violence in overwhelming numbers and I am a man. Outraged – that this goes on unchecked.

Responsible – because for too long I have distanced myself from issues such as the epidemic of male violence, to protect the sanctity of my bubble. Great for my bubble and me, I got to continue living in my rainbow-and-unicorn-filled existence. But not a great contribution to solving the problem of male violence.

“Male

Acknowledging the problem

In an age where we can filter incoming digital communication, it is easier than ever to filter out ‘negative input’. But how is that any different from hearing someone calling for help and then just turning the music up so you don’t have to listen?

The lesson I learned was that just because something is off your radar, it doesn’t mean that it isn’t happening. Ultimately, all men have women in their lives, whether it be a mother, sister, daughter, wife, girlfriend, friend, boss, work colleague, etc. What happens to them affects us too. If we don’t talk about the widespread crisis of male violence against women, how will it get any better?

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What are the top 10 Toxic Masculinity behaviors?

Toxic masculinity is when the archetypal image of what it means to be masculine becomes harmful and aspirational. It thrives by penalizing behavior which does not conform to its standard and celebrating behavior which does.

Top 10 Toxic Masculinity behaviors

  • Being stoic
  • Men are constantly given the message that they must be self-reliant, independent, physically tough etc. Men are told that to be this way will make them successful in terms of business, society, and finding a partner. Being vulnerable will cause men to be ridiculed.

  • Being promiscuous
  • Typically, men will be praised by other men for sexual conquests. There is a well-known double standard regarding perceptions of male versus female promiscuity with men being praised by their peers and called ‘studs’ while rejecting women who have multiple partners and branding them ‘sluts’.

  • Championing heterosexuality as the unalterable norm
  • Many men are programmed to react negatively to the concept of homosexuality as it is a sign of deviating from the traditional male stereotype. Through popular rhetoric and from an early age when boys are learning about gender roles, men are taught that to be homosexual is to be less masculine.

  • Being violent
  • Statistically, men commit significantly more violent crime than women. There are numerous reasons for this, but there are clear links between male instigated violence and the need men have to use aggression and violence to prove their masculinity and bolster confidence in their masculine identity.

  • Being dominant
  • To be preoccupied with power and dominance to a point that it causes harm to others, such as verbal, physical and online bullying. One study found that over a quarter of men thought they should have the final word in relationships, over a third of men believed that they had the right to know where their female partner was at all times.

  • Sexual aggression towards women
  • Men who conform to toxic masculinity standards are more likely to make sexual comments or sexist jokes to women, commit sexual harassment, accept rape myths and behave as if they are entitled to women’s bodies.

  • Not displaying emotion
  • Emotion is treated as being a feminine characteristic. Stifling emotion is seen as true manliness. From childhood, males are shamed to conform with the standard that to show emotion is weak and feminine.

  • Not being a feminist ally
  • It is unsurprising that the overly masculine would reject men who identify as the allies of feminists. Research shows that men engaging in feminist activism are the targets of harassment by men who prescribe to toxic masculinity as it is perceived as feminine and non-conformist to toxic masculinity.

  • Risk-taking
  • Connected to male dominance, toxic masculinity encourages taking risks to demonstrate dominance, men who buy into this are more likely to take extreme measures such as perpetrate violence, drive dangerously, gamble, abuse drugs.

  • Not engaging in household chores and caregiving
  • Again, housework and childrearing are seen as feminine qualities. Being asked to do a feminine deemed task such as housework, or worse, a man being criticised by a woman for not cleaning appropriately is often interpreted as an emasculating assault and provokes a masculine overcompensation response.

Who are we?

Aurora New Dawn is a feminist led charity dedicated to ending violence against women and children, and hidden violence. Since 2011, Aurora New Dawn has offered safety, support, advocacy, and empowerment to survivors of domestic abuse, sexual violence and stalking. We offer a variety of services and are involved in supporting feminist campaigns to end male violence against women.

Our work is guided by the principles set out in the United Nations Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination Against Women or CEDAW, often referred to as an international bill of rights for women.

You can help Aurora raise vital funds to support victims and survivors of abuse:

Toxic Masculinity versus Femininity

“toxic-masculinity oppressing femininity

Overall, as the previous behaviour shows, it can be seen that Toxic Masculinity will repeatedly reject femininity in all its supposed forms. When a man smashes against gender norms or supports femininity, it has a stigma attached. ‘Real men’ cannot behave in that way. If they do, these men will be abused, shamed or humiliated by a society embarrassed by the fact they are not conforming to masculine ideals.

This sends out a clear core belief of toxic masculinity: femininity is seen to be lesser than masculinity.

Why is it so bad for a man to exhibit what society quantifies as a feminine characteristic?

From showing emotion to carrying out household chores to supporting feminism, a man who does this is branded unmanly and rejected by toxic masculine followers. It seems bizarre, but when I do something as trivial as going to work and drink from my wife’s pink reusable coffee cup, I always receive a string of ‘friendly’ jibes from my colleagues… because it is pink… unbecoming of a man… and I must be less of a man for drinking from it.

Why is it that certain masculine-considered-qualities can be desirable while feminine ones are not?

When a young boy decides that he wants to look pretty and put on a dress then appear socially, he is often shamed and humiliated. Young boys are often guided by their parents away from expressing emotion or entering into open communication. All this an attempt by the parent to protect them from a negative social reaction, bullying or harassment.

Why is it that masculinity and femininity are not given the same equal value, why is it unacceptable for a child to wear whatever they want without being pigeon holed?

Toxic Masculinity versus Masculinity

Toxic masculinity corrupts the concept of what it means to be a man, misrepresenting it to society and encouraging/condoning appalling behaviour. It exists as a social construct that hides/excuses/dismisses it and enables it to continue. It is incredibly destructive to its followers. There are numerous findings on the negative impact of conforming to the aforementioned Toxic Masculinity norms:

  • Men are more likely than women to engage in unsafe sexual behaviour and pursue multiple partners.
  • Men have shorter life expectancy than women, are more likely to commit suicide or die at the hands of violent crime.
  • Men seek healthcare at much lower rates than women do.
  • Men are less likely to complete college courses.

How can Toxic Masculinity be addressed?

In order to address the problem of toxic masculinity, it must first be recognised that it is a problem. Masculinity is not intrinsically a bad thing and can hold many aspirational characteristics, such as being the protector, being strong and courageous.Furthermore, studies have shown that masculine and feminine role models complement each other in childrearing.

But… and it is a big ‘but’, toxic masculinity holds no place in a civilized world. It is the worst embodiment of masculinity. It is masculinity on steroids and it is epidemic.

Violence and recognising it is a male problem

It is absolutely necessary to address the elephant in the room and acknowledge that there is a connection between issues such as violence and sex based oppression. Few will be surprised to hear that males commit nearly 90% of violent crimes in the USA.

“Physical aggression is a socially constructed gendered behaviour embedded in the social meanings of masculinities across many cultures. The general unwillingness of people to recognize that violence is a men’s issue is also reflected in the broader scientific literature.” Kilmartin & McDermott.

The link between toxic masculinity and domestic abuse

Aggression and violence in males are frequently attributed to the need for men to fulfil masculine ideals. These ideals being the distorted ones of toxic masculinity: supress emotion, assert dominance, defend your masculinity when threatened, use violence to prove your masculinity and exert power and control.

Men who conform to toxic masculinity norms are much more likely to engage in violence against women. This is further supported by the fact that in 2017, the World Health Organisation reported that 38% of murders of women were by an intimate male partner.

“The-impact-of-toxic-masculinity-on-relationships

How can we end toxic masculinity?

Those who conform to the toxic masculinity standard use the institutionalisation of toxic masculinity to protect their positions. By perpetuating its myth, by practising its values, powerholders can defend their positions in a male hierarchy. If men look up at hyper-masculine men with admiration, they will not criticise their behaviour.

It is only when men take a stand against this behaviour, reject aggression, dominance and all the other toxic masculine characteristics as masculine norms that the hierarchy will crumble.

Positive male role models

I think we can all agree with the American Psychological Association when they state:

“Boys learn to be men from the men in their lives, from their own experiences navigating our social norms, and from the large social and cultural context.”

“Men-protesting-toxic-masculinity"

Men are the disciples of toxic masculinity, men are the perpetrators of violence against women, men are responsible for taking stock of their actions and correcting their course.

We know that what is considered gender appropriate behaviour shifts over time, that what is deemed masculine or feminine is acculturated,men have the power to change their destiny and the identity of masculinity.

When boys look up to men, do we want them to imitate a culture of violence? Or to aspire to the best qualities of what it means to be a man? Where did all the gentlemen go?

Aurora New Dawn

Are you affected by any of the issues mentioned in this article? If so, please get in touch!

Want to help us raise awareness?

Want to find out more about us?

Want to donate to our cause? 💜

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