As the only charity providing domestic abuse support to the British Army, Aurora New Dawn has built strong unions with the armed forces. Here we share our experience and how our advocates support women and girls with a safe route out.

Domestic abuse within the armed forces is a widespread and frightening problem. Research from King’s College London found that more than 1 in 10 of Armed Forces personnel had experienced intimate partner violence and abuse – however, the actual number is likely to be far higher since the Armed Forces do not publish information about levels of domestic abuse within the service community. The enormity of the situation is just one of the reasons that Aurora New Dawn is dedicated to supporting women and girls living within the forces who are victims of domestic violence and abuse.

Through our Army Advocates service, we offer ongoing support to any serving member of the Army who is experiencing domestic abuse, sexual violence, coercive control or stalking. This support also extends to family members and partners where the person responsible for the abusive behaviour is currently serving.

Our mission is to show survivors what is possible and how they can safely leave a situation in as quick and financially viable a way as possible.

Why is domestic abuse such a big problem in the British Army?

Our Armed Forces Advocates are linked to forces lives themselves: and their understanding of the community is a hugely important part of the service. The armed forces landscape is a world away from most people’s reality. It comes with added complications – financially, logistically and emotionally – and reporting an incident (and getting the support necessary) can feel like a minefield.

“The majority of our clients come to us with a great deal of fear. The army is an incredibly insular community – while the survivor knows that they need help, they’re scared to share what they’re going through and their private life becoming common knowledge. They also have no idea what they are even entitled to and what would happen to them if they upped and left the only life they have ever known. It’s terrifying – the women who come to us are incredibly brave,” says Lynne, Aurora Armed Forces Advocate.

As with the police force, power and authority is central to how the military operates. Not only are individuals working within a culture of hierarchy and strong elements of patriarchy, they are also likely to have a high level of control in the household – particularly when it comes to finances. Coercive and financial control is therefore a massive issue in the military, with instances of financial abuse being particularly high in the wake of COVID and the currently-unfolding cost of living crisis. This brings with it additional barriers to women and girls trying to escape.

As well as these barriers – and the scale of the issue – survivors also face problems when trying to access methods of support.

“The armed forces are complex – they’re widespread in so many ways but ultimately, they are culturally very small. Everyone knows everyone. They’re tight knit – a victim may be the wife of a senior officer who is being abusive, and those who would typically investigate the incident may be close friends of his or work alongside him. Especially for serving soldiers, victims don’t want their community to know that they have asked for support. This is proven in the fact that almost a quarter of those who come to us from the military self-refer – that’s a seriously high number for a domestic abuse charity,” says Dr Shonagh Dillon, Aurora’s CEO.

Aurora and the British Army – supporting from the inside.

Thanks to our Armed Forces Advocates – and their position within the British Army community – we are able to provide independent support to survivors from people who know how the military works. From practical to emotional support, we have the necessary conversations to help victims understand that their situation isn’t normal and that there is a way out of it.

“Welfare teams have good intentions, but the reality is that because people are reposted every couple of years the staff turnover is high, and processes, messages, information and referrals can get lost. Plus, the soldier will always come first; it’s just the way it is. What we provide is something totally centred on domestic abuse victims and their unique situation and needs. We also manage their expectations and timelines – more often than not, we’re fighting the clock when it comes to getting a victim out of a dangerous situation, and because we understand that (and the challenges that we are likely to face along the way) we are expertly equipped to get them through the process quickly and safely,” says Shelley Aven, Armed Forces Advocate.

Unfortunately, it isn’t just a case of one bad apple – the lack of control and independence for wives within the Armed Forces communities is deeply ingrained and embedded. This is particularly evident for those from the foreign and commonwealth communities, where if a survivor is living abroad and decides to flee their relationship, the husband would have the power to cancel their visa.

“Wives rarely go into an armed forces marriage knowing their rights – we, however, do. It’s our job to give survivors a safe passage and a financially secure life outside of their abusive relationship,” says Lynne.

Sadly, the rate of referrals from the military is rapidly rising. On average, Aurora accepts one per week and Shelly has recently joined Lynne as an Army Advocate to increase our capacity for supporting women in crisis. Slowly, the tides are turning and the Army is focused on improving how it supports people who report domestic abuse or violence. Working with Aurora New Dawn has seen a big change in attitudes because we are not only supporting survivors, but we are providing education and support to those working in the forces too, to improve how cases are dealt with.

Dr Shonagh Dillon says: “We are pleased to continue our conversations with the Royal Navy and be offering support to the RAF as well. Things are changing slowly and we work with some dedicated professionals within Armed Forces communities who want to systematically alter the culture of military responses to victims of domestic abuse, sexual violence and stalking. The onus must rest firmly with the perpetrators of these crimes and the response needs to be robust. Our work within the forces is very important to us and we look forward to working in partnership with our colleagues in the forces to foster change and end male violence against women.”

If you would like to support the Aurora New Dawn charity and you are able to donate you can do so here:

If you would like to support our female only group work and you are able to donate you can do so here:

Aurora’s helpline – 6pm to 9am Monday to Friday and 24hrs over the weekend 02394 216 816

This year’s theme for the International Day of the Elimination of Violence Against Women (IDEVAW) and the 16 days of action is UNITE! Here we share the importance of working with partners to effectively, safely and continuously support victims of domestic abuse, sexual violence and stalking.

For 31 years, the United Nations has spearheaded the annual international campaign, 16 Days of Activism against Gender-Based Violence. Kicking off on the International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women (November 25) and ending on Human Rights Day (December 10), the campaign calls for global action, awareness and activism to end violence against women and girls. This year’s theme is UNITE! – and here at Aurora New Dawn, it’s a concept that underpins everything we do.

Working together to end domestic violence against women and girls

In order to build a better future for survivors of domestic abuse, organisations must work together to end violence against women and girls. Collaboration is not only necessary, but paramount if we want to help them live a life free from fear. From food banks to refuge spaces, the armed forces to police departments, at Aurora New Dawn we work with representatives, advocates and partners from all over to ensure that we can support survivors as much as possible.

“It’s the union between like-minded organisations that makes what we do impactful. We simply couldn’t do it all on our own; we rely on our partners and agencies to help us help women and girls more effectively. We’re fully behind this year’s theme for 16 Days of Activism – we hope it will encourage the many people, companies and charities out there supporting the cause to explore partnerships as a way to leverage their mission,” said Dr Shonagh Dillon, Aurora’s CEO.

How can communities help end domestic violence against women and girls?

Community support and understanding also has an enormous part to play in ending violence against women and girls. Our volunteers and supporters are fundamental in raising much needed funds for our survivors and – especially relevant at this time of year – providing gifts and items that they can then make use of.

We know that the Christmas period can bring a stark rise in cases of violence against women, and even when a survivor leaves an abusive perpetrator, often the abuse doesn’t stop. In fact, around 75% of the women and girls that we support have already left their relationship. Thanks to our incredible community, we are able to provide things such as food vouchers and Christmas gifts that can really help victims as they navigate this enormously stressful period.

Domestic abuse and the cost of living crisis | What are the risks for agencies?

Domestic abuse and the cost-of-living crisis are two phrases that we are likely to hear in tandem more and more in the coming months. We know that perpetrators will use any means possible to increase their levels of power and control, and the difficulties that will likely come with these looming economic challenges.

One in six women in the UK have experienced economic abuse by a current or former partner – and this abuse rarely happens in isolation, normally occurring alongside other forms of domestic abuse. We are approaching a pivotal point. As families struggle with a choice between heating and eating, women can be made to feel economically dependent on their partner, limiting their freedom. Abusers may sabotage their victim’s income and access to money, restrict what they spend it on (and what they own) and exploit their economic situation.

Recently, Aurora formed part of a national statement from the End Violence Against Women Coalition to call for immediate support for those impacted by domestic abuse and inequality, heightened through the cost of living crisis. While we believe this is a step in the right direction, the truth is that we don’t have a solution – but we do know that, now more than ever, we need to unite in raising our voices and breaking down the added barriers stopping women and girls from living lives free from domestic abuse and violence.

Unfortunately, those barriers extend to the agencies supporting women who are being subjected to male violence – and it’s something that organisations large and small need to be aware of.

“As an organisation, we’re still recovering from the increased demand caused by COVID – and now we’re braced for a whole flood of new calls for help. It’s crisis upon crisis and we know that we aren’t alone in this,” said Shonagh.

“Local food banks are on their knees. Refuge spaces are being stretched to their very limit. Charities are struggling and jobs are falling by the wayside. Donations are going – and will continue to go – down. We may not feel the immediate impact right now, but we’re all being pulled in endless directions. We predict that in six months or so, the repercussions will be widespread.”

Which is why continued collaboration matters. Together, we can find ways to navigate this changing and difficult landscape so that support can still be there when women and girls need it most.

How is Aurora New Dawn supporting 16 Days of Activism?

Throughout the 16-day campaign, we will be sharing resources, articles and content centred around the different organisations that we – as a charity – are united with, to help raise awareness of the many different ways people can seek support. Keep an eye on the ‘news’ section of our website and also our social media: and please do help us share this vital message.

#IDEVAW2022
#EndMaleViolenceAgainstWomen

If you would like to support the Aurora New Dawn charity and you are able to donate you can do so here:

If you would like to support our female only group work and you are able to donate you can do so here:

Aurora’s helpline – 6pm to 9am Monday to Friday and 24hrs over the weekend 02394 216 816

In October, we were very proud to receive an award from Hampshire Constabulary for our work supporting the force’s Workplace Domestic Abuse service.

The service was launched earlier this year after police officers and staff highlighted barriers to reporting domestic abuse, and feedback showed that some had felt unsupported in reporting domestic abuse or violence in the past.

We were approached to form part of a specialist panel that includes Stop Domestic Abuse and the YOU Trust, and together we meet to discuss any issues raised and provide expert advice and guidance on how victims and perpetrators can be effectively supported to reduce risk and cope with damaging behaviours.

Our Chief Executive Officer, Dr Shonagh Dillon, received the Chief Constable’s certificate of gratitude, which states that “Your role in shaping the new service has already made a positive difference and will continue to do so for years to come”.

Shonagh said:

“We were honoured to be asked to be part of the workforce domestic abuse panel and we’ve been using our expertise to support the constabulary in how they investigate reports of violence and abuse and empower victims.

“The cultural issues around how police forces across the country handle domestic and sexual abuse have been close to the headlines in recent years. Our police colleagues in Hampshire have been open in their desire to effect change and though it’s a long road, we have already seen a positive shift in attitudes and the action taken to support staff reporting incidents.”

Hampshire Constabulary Domestic Abuse lead, Detective Chief Superintendent Fiona Bitters, said:

“We would like to congratulate Aurora New Dawn for this well-deserved Chief Constables commendation. They played a key role in supporting, and providing expert guidance, on the delivery of our domestic abuse service – and for that we are grateful.

“Hampshire Constabulary, working alongside Aurora New Dawn and other locally commissioned services, are fully committed to identifying children and adults who are living with violence and abuse, and increasing their trust and confidence to report domestic related incidents. That includes those that work for the constabulary.”

If you would like to support the Aurora New Dawn charity and you are able to donate you can do so here:

If you would like to support our female only group work and you are able to donate you can do so here:

Aurora’s helpline – 6pm to 9am Monday to Friday and 24hrs over the weekend 02394 216 816

Rosie

I am one of the Independent Stalking Advocacy Caseworkers at Aurora New Dawn. In my spare time I enjoy watching documentaries and listening to music and podcasts. I love quizzes and general knowledge, my best categories being history and geography!

I started at Aurora New Dawn as a placement student in 2020, and felt I was able to make a real difference to people’s lives. I later began working at Aurora as a full member of staff in 2021 and was pleased to be able to focus more of time to supporting clients experiencing stalking and help them to start to regain control of their lives. Stalking is a difficult and frustrating crime, being able to listen and advocate for clients is a key part of the process and is hugely beneficial. I hope to continue working within this sector and growing as an advocate.

Gemma

I really enjoy keeping active by lifting weights and running and I like to relax by reading and watching stand-up comedy. I’ve worked at Aurora since June 2021 and enjoy working in a lovely team with like-minded women.

For most of my career, I have worked in the private sector, but after the COVID 19 pandemic hit I wanted to, as clichéd as it sounds, make a difference and help to support those who have been experiencing stalking. Stalking is a unique crime, sometimes you can’t physically see the crime that has been committed – like you would in a burglary. It’s important to me that my clients know that not only do I believe them and that I will be there to support them every step of the way but that stalking is a crime and is not acceptable – whatever the circumstances.

Lynne (Armed Forces)

As the armed forces advocate for domestic abuse sexual violence and stalking I am unbelievably passionate about what I do.

No one thinks past DA to what might come next. It’s always looked at as a continuation of the abuse and to use the word stalking can sometimes be seen as us being “dramatic women”, especially within the forces. Even more so if it’s not an ex-partner.

We hear phrases like “well she is a pretty thing, she should love the attention” or “you’re behind the wire, whoever it is can’t get you so it’s not that bad”.

You can never underestimate or even fully understand the horrifying impact stalking has on victims.

I learn something new about the lengths a stalker will go to in every case. Whether we know who the stalker is or not.

I am the voice of the victim when the situation is terrifying yet no one will listen.

I am the safety net always ready to believe them I will help educate the armed forces to understand that stalking is very real and won’t just go away.

I will never stop fighting for my clients.

Why do I do this work?

Because serving soldiers are human and suffer the impact of stalking like every other victim. They deserve to be believed, supported and most importantly safe.

#BridgingTheGAP #NSAW2022 #TeamAurora

We are funded by the Police and Crime Commissioner for Hampshire and the IOW and for our Armed forces work we receive funding from the Army Central Fund.

If you would like to support the Aurora New Dawn charity and you are able to donate you can do so here:

If you would like to support our female only group work and you are able to donate you can do so here:

Aurora’s helpline – 6pm to 9am Monday to Friday and 24hrs over the weekend 02394 216 816

In my role as an Outreach worker, I see many of the pattern’s perpetrators use to exert power and control, for example, isolation techniques, gaslighting behaviours, and full denial of responsibility to name a few. Most recently, I have witnessed more victims being faced with another abusive tactic that fits under the ‘post-separation abuse’ umbrella. This is a newish term for the UK labelled ‘parental alienation’.

For those who may not have come across this before, parental alienation is not a concept easily evidenced through empirical studies and research, but it is increasingly a tool used by perpetrators of domestic abuse against their victims and their children to exert control over them in family courts. If you want to read more on its history and use in the family courts, we recommend Dr Adrienne Barnett.

In my experience, I have seen perpetrators are using it as another way of controlling the victim and convincing a judge to allow contact with them (the abusive parent) by labelling the survivor as obstructive. In fact, the non-abusive parent (usually the Mum) is just trying to protect the child/children from harm given the abuse they have been subjected to by the perpetrator.

Naturally, not wanting her children to be exposed to any further harm a Mum would of course stand in the way of abusive behaviour and protect her child, in fact it is exactly what is required of her by social care and the police, but ironically it is playing out differently and being used against many women in the family court system. It is increasingly frustrating to watch victims and survivors voice concerns about the safety of contact with an abusive parent, particularly when I share those concerns myself, to then witness some in the family courts having a problem understanding this.

Perpetrators of abuse will often use their children as a way of controlling their victim. Usually, this is through child contact. It can manifest in tactics like, never sticking to pick up or drop off times, dictating when contact will be, so the non-abusive parent has no freedom or choice, using handover times as their allotted time to continue abusing the surviving parent. I know many victims and survivors of abuse will be reading these examples and recognise these behaviours. This is only a few of the ways in which perpetrators will use their children as an excuse to continue being abusive.

The main reason for a perpetrator to use these behaviours is to continue exerting power and control, they are often continuously angry for having lost their control over their family when the abusive relationship ended. Parental alienation claims are just another tool in the abusive parents’ box, it is a skillful way of ensuring their ex-partner is labelled as in some way abusive, it discredits the domestic abuse claims they have made, and it places the perpetrator neatly in the victim box for the courts.

My advice to victims experiencing this form of post-separation abuse is to discuss this with your solicitor in the first instance if you have one. They should have the relevant knowledge on this subject, given that it doesn’t hold up in law. Liaise with your domestic abuse support worker – if you don’t have one you can contact your local service for advice; we are happy to assist in this or you can go to the Women’s Aid Website to find out who your local provider is.

I have helped survivors who have experienced claims of parental alienation by communicating with their solicitor and offering my knowledge on this topic, and I will continue to do this. I know all of us at Aurora will do all we can to ensure victims and survivors are supported through this as we know how stressful and emotionally challenging this situation can be.

My bigger problem as an advocate is what can the judiciary system do in response to Parental Alienation? Firstly, recognising it as a form of post separation abuse would go a long way in support of survivors of abuse. Survivors already feel that the courts don’t support them enough and don’t understand the dynamics of domestic abuse as well as they could, and parental alienation is another example of that. By enabling this discourse, particularly when there is a proven history of abuse from the perpetrator, this means the courts are colluding with and supporting a perpetrator to continue abusing their victim, and the children.

It is great that organisations like Aurora are becoming more aware of the tactics of Parental Alienation. In addition, many more legal professionals have an understanding of this abusive technique and are able to support their clients through the court process. The more services work together against abusers using parental alienation in court, the more awareness will be raised. This will ultimately support victims and survivors and limit the effects of post-separation abuse upon them.

Brianne – Outreach worker

If you would like to support the Aurora New Dawn charity and you are able to donate you can do so here:

If you would like to support our female only group work and you are able to donate you can do so here:

Aurora’s helpline – 6pm to 9am Monday to Friday and 24hrs over the weekend 02394 216 816

Do you think it is important for all victims of stalking to be offered an Independent stalking advocate and if so why?

Absolutely I think the police are great at dealing with the evidential side of things. But what the stalking advocate does is help you deal with the emotional side of things.

I hate to use the word victim but the stalking advocate helps the victim where no one else does, or can or has the time. It’s that bridge which is so so important, it’s a person who knows the system and can lead on it. Unlike for example a crime like robbery, most people know someone who has been robbed but not many people know someone who has been stalked. So when that happened to me, I had no point of reference, I knew no one who had been stalked or had any experience or understanding. So having someone like an independent specialist stalking advocate tell you – this is what is happening and why it is happening – is absolutely vital.

Did you think what you were experiencing was stalking? Did it surprise you when someone described it in that way to you? What was the impact?

No, I also didn’t think what I was experiencing was abusive behaviour in our relationship until I started to write it all down and document it all. So those are the major things that the stalking advocate helped me to identify, she helped me and she showed me that what was happening in the relationship wasn’t normal or acceptable. I certainly knew the perpetrator putting a tracker on my car wasn’t normal, but I didn’t know it came under the realms of stalking.

The worst thing you can be called in this scenario is a stalking victim, especially as a woman, there’s a huge pride in being a strong independent woman, and having that taken away from me by him and by the word ‘victim’ is horrendous. I think the most wonderful thing about Aurora New Dawn and other stalking organisations is they take away your feelings of victimisation. They empower you with knowledge, support expertise and experience, which makes you feel you’re not alone and also makes you feel that you know what is going on and you’re back in control. So, in a scenario where you felt like you had lost control, and I don’t want to go into the whole emotional side of things that I felt during that, the stalking advocate has helped me hugely to put that behaviour in a place of understanding what is unacceptable and unhealthy.

#BridgingTheGAP #NSAW2022 #TeamAurora

Aurora is funded by the Hampshire and IOW Police and Crime Commissioner and work in partnership with Hampshire Constabulary.

If you would like to support the Aurora New Dawn charity and you are able to donate you can do so here:

If you would like to support our female only group work and you are able to donate you can do so here:

Aurora’s helpline – 6pm to 9am Monday to Friday and 24hrs over the weekend 02394 216 816

This year’s theme for national stalking awareness week is Bridging the Gap – it focuses on the need to have independent advocates for victims. Do you think it is important for all victims of stalking to be offered an Independent stalking advocate and if so why?

Absolutely! Having the support of an independent advocate made me feel I had some solely in my corner. Their focus was on me and how they can get me through such a hard time. Their expert knowledge and advice meant they were incredibly supportive. This provided me with coping mechanisms; which made me feel safer.

By having that person to go to talk helped me come to terms with what I was suffering and gave me the courage to get the justice and help I needed.

Did you think what you were experiencing was stalking? Did it surprise you when someone described it in that way to you? What was the impact?

At first I don’t think I did. It was a hard concept to accept. I knew what I was experiencing was wrong and that it was upsetting but I didn’t believe it was serious enough to be stalking. When it escalated and I sought the help of the police it was at that point that stalking was first mentioned. I was then introduced to my stalking advocate. She greatly helped me to comes to terms with it being stalking and that it is not acceptable. I was surprised and felt shell shocked. I was afraid and more vulnerable once others told me the seriousness but my advocate was there to support and guide me through the process of getting the justice and support I needed.

Do you have any advice you would like to give other victims.

Never be afraid to speak up. Never be afraid to seek help and support. My advocate helped me gain the courage I needed to get through it. Speaking with your advocate will be the first little step to feeling a little safer by giving you someone to talk to gain advice and understand exactly what you are going through. You are not alone in this and you will be okay and strong once again.

#BridgingTheGAP #NSAW2022 #TeamAurora

Aurora is funded by the Hampshire and IOW Police and Crime Commissioner and work in partnership with Hampshire Constabulary.

If you would like to support the Aurora New Dawn charity and you are able to donate you can do so here:

If you would like to support our female only group work and you are able to donate you can do so here:

Aurora’s helpline – 6pm to 9am Monday to Friday and 24hrs over the weekend 02394 216 816

I still remember the day the IDVA (Independent Domestic Violence Advisor/Advocate) from Aurora New Dawn walked in. I was numb and unreachable; an empty husk of a human being. Three years of battling an abuser, three years of battling the police, the courts and sadly the big national domestic abuse charities. My overall understanding of my situation was that I had brought it upon myself. They say no (wo)man is an island. But I felt alone, beyond fear, beyond feeling.

10 minutes into the meeting I felt a fleeting emotion. For the very first time, I had been given information about my situation that made me feel a shift in power. I had a person in front of me being chillingly honest. Perhaps I should have been terrified, but in a world of shifting sands where I had felt I couldn’t trust anyone to protect me, I finally realised that the onus was on me. Not to physically protect myself but mentally and in my actions. I felt I could trust this person and the organisation to empower me to continue a fight I was about to give up on.

3 years ago, I had met a charming man who within 6 weeks had begun a campaign of violence and terror to such a degree that when the IDVA informed me that I was in the top 25 percentile of people likely to be murdered, the parallel lives I had desperately been trying to maintain collided and shattered. Leaving documents addressed to my children, on my laptop, with instructions on who to go to, on the mortgage, utilities, insurance, in case of my death. It was prefaced with the words “I would never, ever take my own life”.

Memories of having the abuser enter my workplace. Of sitting in an office with panic alarms and CCTV. Of colleagues respectfully asking for me to be removed from their offices for their own safety. Of Victim Support refusing to see me in their offices because of the degree of violence perpetrated by the abuser. Of my children living in constant fear, of having to pack them off at the drop of a hat. Of watching my beautiful children wilt by the day. Of the endless texts, calls, stalking, and harassment that was my life. Of the having to isolate from my parents, siblings, and friends for fear of their safety.

One of the most damning behaviours I had experienced once I had made that decision to contact the police was that of being treated like a child, incapable of making good decisions. Now, I was being treated like an adult with choices, however daunting they felt at that moment. This is not suddenly going to turn into a fairy tale. It turned into a full on battle, non molestation orders, court appearances, the lack of convictions, being cross examined in court, but even without convictions that feeling of power began to grow. For every knock back Aurora New Dawn had other tactics to advise on. I grew in confidence and I got angry. I realised that putting mental, electronic, and physical distance between the abuser and myself gave me the time to properly digest information and to make better decisions. I began to realise that I was worth so much more. When the abuser received a custodial sentence he continued to contact and threaten me. However, by this point reporting to the police had become routine. Keeping an audit trail of these behaviours is what had helped get the conviction.

Eventually, it was my change in behaviour that caused the situation to abate. The most terrifying part of this journey was to stop contact with the abuser. To not know where he was or what he was doing. Of not feeling in control of mine and my children’s safety. Without Aurora New Dawn I would never have been able to make that leap of faith.

Nowadays, I live an incredibly normal and fulfilling life. I no longer jump at sudden noises, I don’t flinch at sudden movements, I don’t spend nights frozen in fear and dread. I laugh, I have friends, I see my family and best of all my children have turned into happy healthy adults. What happened to the abuser? Who cares? I certainly don’t.

If I were to give any advice to anyone in an abusive relationship. It would be…

Be kind to yourself, you do not deserve what is happening to you. Contact a local Domestic Abuse charity; they will have excellent knowledge of the local police, probation, courts, social services and have contacts with many other agencies. You have to develop a good relationship with the police even when you feel they don’t understand the situation. They do and they know that for every time you reply to an abusers call, text, email or have contact, the likelihood of you getting a positive outcome gets progressively worse. Guilt is your greatest enemy, you are in an extraordinary situation and that often means you have mirrored unacceptable behaviours of the abuser to stay safe. Accept that and make the changes when you are able to. Use all of the services available to you. Sign up to online support groups and forums. When you are having a middle of the night crisis and there is nobody to talk to, there will be someone online who can listen. Don’t isolate yourselves from family and friends. If you work let them know what is happening. They have a duty of care to keep you safe whilst you are in the workplace. On a final note, it doesn’t matter whether you are in a physically, mentally, financially or sexually abusive relationship or whether it is online abuse, none of it is acceptable.

If you would like to support our female only group work and you are able to donate you can do so here:

Aurora’s helpline – 6pm to 9am Monday to Friday and 24hrs over the weekend 02394 216 816

Happy International Women’s Day to all women. For me, today is a day of celebration and recognition to the women that came before us, that paved the way for women like me, to have so many opportunities. IWD always feels incredibly empowering, I love to see and hear stories of women who have changed the world in some way. To me, it’s about giving thanks to every woman who has shaped your own life too: mothers, sisters, friends, teachers. Women do so much for the world which often goes unrecognised and unappreciated. So, this IWD, I’ll be making sure I celebrate all the women in my life and giving them a great big thank you.

But, IWD isn’t just about celebrating, it’s about recognising that there is still so much to be done for women’s rights. IWD isn’t a day when we should look at the progress that’s been made and say, “job done”. The fight continues. While ever there are women who live in fear; who don’t have access to education; who can’t access healthcare; who don’t have body autonomy; who live in poverty; who are not safe in their own homes; who aren’t respected; not paid fairly and women who can’t even go for a run. Whilst ever there are women in the world who don’t have a voice, there’s still more progress to be made.

So, this IWD celebrate women in all their glory, thank your mums, sister, aunts, friends, colleagues, teachers for all they have done and continue to do. But also, make a pledge to help in the fight for progress for all women. Sign petitions, share social media posts, join in with activism, write to your MP or donate to charities. We can all help pave the way for the women of the future, just like the women who paved the way for us.

Happy International Women’s Day!

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Aurora’s helpline – 6pm to 9am Monday to Friday and 24hrs over the weekend 02394 216 816

As we approach international women’s day and appreciate the works of women in the past and present have done and are doing to voice the voiceless, we are still witnessing escalating figures of women experiencing various forms and levels of abuse from all corners of the world – whether they be in their personal space, the wider society or systemically. Being a visibly Muslim woman, it is harrowing to witness other visibly Muslim women experience alienation and constant attacks from society – being denied their right to education and work, the constant brainwashing of the media against Muslim women and the draconian laws that criminalise them because of their Islamic attire. Why does a piece of cloth scare them so much? The piece of cloth that I, along with the millions of Muslim women across the globe wear – symbolises empowerment and strength, and such societies are afraid of empowered women. Period.

Whilst the world celebrates women’s independence day, let’s also remind ourselves that there’s still a lot of work to do.

If you would like to support our work and you are able to donate you can do so here:

Aurora’s helpline – 6pm to 9am Monday to Friday and 24hrs over the weekend 02394 216 816