Dear Spotted Portsmouth,

I hadn’t come across your page until yesterday when a colleague introduced me to the ‘unique’ Spotted Portsmouth approach to celebrating our beautiful city. Ironically, as it happens we were travelling back to Portsmouth from a meeting on a national roll-out of training for Stalking Awareness and Cyber Crime at the time.

By now, every one of your page’s followers (and a few thousand more besides) are aware of your post a few days ago, subsequently removed, of a woman whose skirt had ridden up whilst she stood chatting on a night out. The photo, taken from the back, was clearly taken without her knowledge.

It would seem that the human approach – the polite tap on the shoulder and a quiet word to let her know what had happened – had passed one (some?) of your followers by. Instead, out came the smartphone, up went the photo, and so commenced the public shaming, bullying, and vilification of a woman who did nothing other than stand talking to people on a pavement, outside a bar, without realising that her dress wasn’t quite playing along.

What followed was a thread that quickly became a diatribe of sexist and degrading comments about her appearance and her choices, supplemented with the usual sexually violent name-calling: she was branded a “Slut”, and a “Slag”, for example. But this wasn’t a shock to you, because it’s your MO. In fact, you make quite the habit of posting these kinds of pictures on a regular basis – of women and of men, of those who look different, those who don’t fit in with the standards you feel people should be adhering to on any one particular day. You are, it would seem, the self-proclaimed lifestyle police.

Spotted Portsmouth’s Contribution to a Serious Problem

But back to this particular photo and the accompanying comments. In our line of work, this kind of culture is what we deal with on a daily basis. You cannot detach the nature of the comments made on this picture from the attitudes that contribute to the all-consuming emotional distress we see first-hand on a daily basis. When we talk with victims of rape – which we do daily – the first thing they always do is blame themselves. Why? Because society is blaming them too. 26% of people in our society still think a woman is partly or totally responsible for being raped if she was wearing sexy or revealing clothing and 30% of people think a woman is partly or totally responsible if she was drunk.^[1] We live in a society where women are constantly criticised – for their appearance, the way they dress, how much they have had to drink, and whether they fit into the narrowly-defined and constantly-changing societal view of ‘acceptable’. Your page, in the posting of this photo and in your general disregard for the wishes and feelings of others, supports and promotes these attitudes. And it’s not just women – anyone is fair game if your history is anything to go by.

Since this post has subsequently been removed, I might have assumed that you agreed with the danger of supporting such comments. Until, that was, up popped another photo – this time of someone else – and so the cycle of shame and bullying resumed. Pictures of people drunk and “embarrassing” themselves are offered up for ridicule by yourself and your supporters. Yesterday numerous comments were left under these posts that clearly justified the actions of ridiculing another for the purposes of entertainment. Your supporters are resolute: if you don’t want photos taken then don’t behave a certain way, don’t embarrass yourself in public, don’t wear this, and for God’s sake don’t drink that much, because if you do then we have the carte blanch to bully the hell out of you with absolutely no regard for the impact.

What is perhaps most alarming about these justifications is that we teach five-year-olds in school that bullying is wrong, that deriding someone because of their actions, appearance, or anything else and ganging up on them is nasty and will hurt their feelings or the feelings of others. Even young children ‘get’ this concept. It is unfortunate that you do not.

But wait, you are just the conduit for the information being shared on your page to 27+ thousand people, so it’s not your fault right? Wrong. At what point do you so completely lose touch with your own humanity that, when this kind of photo crosses your desk, your first thought is to press a button and offer it up to the keyboard warriors of the world for public ridicule? Next time you feel the urge to get out the phone, stop and think, how would you feel if this was your sister, mother, brother, daughter, son….or you?

There is a lot of information on your page being shared about the right to privacy, apparently you and your supporters are all well aware of the law, but it isn’t that simple. You can read more about harassment here. It only takes for the photo you post to be shared a few times (which yours regularly are) before we get into the muddy waters of harassment.

Despite your prolific posting about free speech yesterday, I found it interesting that anyone disagreeing with you or appealing to your better nature was deleted and blocked. Some may call that a bit of a dichotomy but I will leave you to wrestle with that one all on your own.

Where do we go from here?

So this is where I will attempt to appeal to your better nature because I live in hope that behind your page and your computer you do have one:

It is time to stop. If people are offended it is for good reason. Next time you are sent a photo for the purposes of public shaming please pause before you click the share button. You have no idea who the subject of the photo is, you have no idea who their family, kids and friends are. You have absolutely no idea about the state of their mental health. You do, however, have a responsibility to understand that the consequences of your actions may severely harm them. We only need to look at cases right up and down the country where people have taken their own lives after being the subject of cyber bullying.

It comes to something when a petition is started because of your actions.

In conclusion, it only remains for me to leave you with the song I have been listening to whilst typing. Remind you of anyone?

Yours Sincerely

Shonagh Dillon

CEO

Aurora New Dawn

Aurora New Dawn are thrilled to announce that we have been awarded funding from the Big Lottery to deliver our DVA Car service across South-East Hampshire over the next 3 years.

Working alongside Hampshire Constabulary, specialist workers from Aurora New Dawn will respond with officers to incidents of domestic abuse as they happen, offering emotional support to survivors, completing risk assessments, and facilitating referrals to local services for ongoing support.

Through working in partnership with Hampshire Constabulary in this way, Aurora is able to offer specialist, independent support at the time it is needed most, with the project set to support up to 750 survivors over the next three years.

Shonagh Dillon, Chief Executive of Aurora New Dawn, says: “Our vision is to end discrimination against women through offering protection, safety and support. We know that two women are murdered by a current or former partner every week in England and Wales, and that on average a victim will have been abused around 35 times before they call the police. This service gives us a chance to reach out and offer face to face support at times when domestic abuse is most likely to occur, on Friday and Saturday nights. We are very excited about working in partnership with Hampshire Constabulary on this project and incredibly thankful to the Big Lottery Fund for this grant to enable us to support so many survivors.”

 

 

This article appeared originally on Women’s Views on News.

I listened with a howling sense of pain-wracked frustration to the otherwise fabulous Jane Garvey interviewing domestic abuse survivor Tina Nash on BBC Radio 4’s Woman’s Hour yesterday morning (interview begins 1 minute in).

I’m used to victim-blaming and its ugly companion, the invisible perpetrator, in mainstream media coverage of domestic abuse.

But I’ve noticed it more and more since I became a Writer in Residence for Aurora New Dawn, an organisation working with victims and survivors of domestic and sexual violence.

Mainstream news media often just replicate dominant social attitudes and reflect them back to us with authority. It’s not right, or actually ok, but it’s the reason WVoN exists so I’ve made a sort of angry, activist peace with it. For now.

Listening this morning, though, I felt like Jane Garvey’s feminist teacher, standing on the sidelines and calling, “Come on Garvey, pull your socks up! You can do better than this!”

Here’s why.

I recommend that you listen to the interview before or after reading this. For me the questions are actually worse in context not better, but make up your own mind.

JG: It would be easy to think of you I suppose as a victim, but you’re more than that, aren’t you?

TN: I’m a survivor now.

This would have been a great opportunity to talk about the issue of victimhood, the journey to feeling like a survivor and the difference between the two. Nash herself brings this up several times in the interview after she raises it here.

She talks about how she did not perceive herself as a victim during the abuse even though it was so severe, and about how on many occasions Jenkin, her abuser, would convince her that he was actually the victim in the relationship.

Garvey follows up on none of these.

If you’re learning about domestic abuse for the first time, understanding the dynamic  of victimhood is central. But if you’re a broadcaster doing an interview about an abusive relationship, I would hope – with a little preparation and research – it would be Interviewing 101.

After asking how they met, Garvey begins to sound a little like a barrister building a case that the victim should have ‘known better’:

JG: …he was a man with a bit of a reputation.

Nash obligingly clarifies that she had heard of his reputation, yes, but 10 years before they began dating, at which point Jenkin portrayed himself very much as a changed man.

Four months into the relationship, Jenkin pushed Nash over after his violence to strangers in a nightclub caused him to be thrown out. She banged her head on the pavement. Nash packed www.orderwu.com her things and left.

JG: See, at this point Tina, people will be thinking, ‘Well, that would be enough’. He may not actually have hit you on that occasion but there were indications that this was a man you wouldn’t be close to for any length of time. Why did you keep in touch with him?

Later, Nash talks about Jenkin laughing at the panic room installed for her by the police.

JG: He was laughing at the authorities and…but…in a way Tina I’ve got to put it to you, you allowed him to do that because you kept buying his lost little boy routine, didn’t you?

Finally, Garvey asks a question that is made more offensive to me as a listener by the calm, dignified and eloquent answer given by Tina Nash following it.

JG: For the people listening who think ‘Why did she allow this to happen to her?’ how would you try to explain that?

TN: It was a steady progress, it didn’t happen overnight. It wasn’t like I met him on the first night and he hit me and I stayed with him. It didn’t happen like that. I fell in love with him. He made me see a side of him that I didn’t think other people got to see so I thought he must love me. I thought it was completely different with me than he was with everybody else. Silly me, I fell for it.

At this point, I genuinely don’t know how, as one human to another, Garvey felt no inclination to challenge Tina Nash on that last statement. Possibly because almost every question that led up to it has implicitly pointed to how Nash failed to identify, challenge and escape a man who is now serving an indeterminate sentence in a mental hospital. I assume a jury put him there because they had fewer problems than Jane Garvey in identifying that he was the one to blame for his own behaviour.

Instead, Garvey asks:

JG: How many chances did you give him, in fact?

At which point I face-palmed myself so hard I swept my own feet out from under me and fell on my ass.

Given everything we know about domestic abuse, about patterns of coercion and control and about the reality of living – and surviving – an abusive relationship, it’s disappointing that broadcasters still feel comfortable asking variations of: Why doesn’t she just leave?

Chats overheard in the pub? Yes.

Woman’s Hour? No.

Interviews like this not only remove the focus from Jenkin’s actions but also – and if I were a man, this would be far more offensive to me – position the extreme violence of men like Jenkin as inevitable, or somehow to be expected, from all men.

What would I like to have heard? More about what it’s like to make the journey from victim to survivor, for a start, and an acknowledgement of the difficulty of the transition between the two.

Shame, isolation and self-blame are reasons that the Aurora team hear every day from victims and survivors to describe why they feel powerless to leave their perpetrator.

Of course, they also work with victims and survivors who have left and are now in more danger than they have ever been in before as a result – another reason why so many victims stay.

Media coverage of domestic abuse must start to reveal the reality (linked video carries Trigger warning) – and complexity – of abusive relationships, including painting a picture of how commonly it happens. As writers and journalists, we must shift the focus away from victims and move toward asking questions about perpetrators, who might find themselves with fewer places to hide as a result.

Taking this approach in the media would help to build a society where victims feel less isolated and less ashamed of behaviour that, ultimately, isn’t theirs. That alone would go an incredible length of the way to making the journey out of an abusive relationship easier and quicker.